Doctor Doug died

On July, 6th, 2016, I told you about Doctor Doug in this blog, a physician in our church. He died on December, 15th. He had a weak heart due to a Chagas disease - a tropical disease that inflates the heart. He had to change his mark step after a cardiac arrest. His kidneys stopped working and after many problems, he died.

He was loved by his family, his colleagues, his students, his church. I was told it was a big funeral. 

Is he with Jesus?

Yes, I think so.

He began to attend our church in his old age. Before that he thought that all religions are good, but Christianity talks about sin as the way to hell and Jesus as the way to heaven. 

His niece that does not attend our church, told us that before his conversion, doctor Doug was a good man but she did not find love or tenderness in him. He was a cold guy. She really hates the way evangelical people talk (I am saved, you are not, let me introduce Jesus to you), but she considered that something different happened to his uncle.

He knew he was dying much before this year. He was preparing to his death. For instance, he bought his grave in a cemetery some years ago.

wealth in heaven

A rich man in God's eyes is the one who evaluates things according to the Lord's values.
God is love.
A rich man is the one who loves, but what do I need to do to grow in love?
Some ideas:
- practice acts of love: visit my parents, sick people, help spouse, help children, etc. All these things go against my own will. My will is not a good parameter to guide my acts of love.
- do not expect human reward for acts of love. I must practice acts of love for God's sake, for God's reward.
- continually ask myself how to be helpful. Do not wait to receive orders.

A suffering helper

Yesterday, Friday, I did not work due to the public servers day. I went to my parents house to spend some hours there.
I usually go there on Saturday morning and spend at maximum 3 hours, reading the Bible and eating together. Yesterday, I stayed there for 7 hours: time enough to listen to my dad's problems.
My mother is with Alzheimer's disease. Whenever I read the Bible, she sleeps. Her contact with the reality varies a lot.
Yesterday, mammy asked me: - how was my mother.
I answered: "Not so well...". It was funny.
After some minutes, I called her "mammy" and she attended me.
My brother, sister in law and nephew are there to support them.
My father lost some document but he does not know how to use computers and internet. I googled about how to deal with this situation and appointed some tasks to him. He began to complain about me, my brother, my sister in law: we are not helping in fact. He told me that my brother uses the car but does not fix it when it breaks, that my nephew is a naughty boy, etc. I told him:
Dad, you suffer a lot! Perhaps you suffer more than me. You are retired, you wake up when you want but I did not know about these problems!
He, at least, laughed of my amazement but continued to criticize everybody.
Unfortunately to my sister in law, my father does not show love to his own grand son. He is a 3 years old child who can not discern disapproval signs, but they certainly hurt my sister in law.
My brother is there to help mommy, but he takes the sorrows of his wife.
As Christians, my sister in law and brother understand what is a suffering helper. Jesus suffered to help us. In Jesus, they are living day by day. I see that my sister in law are in an intensive course to look to Jesus and not to men. She looses the joy in Jesus whenever she looks to dad.

Feasts

On October 16th, Sunday, my brother in law decided to celebrate his 25 years of wedding. In this special day, his church (let us call Daughter Church) gathered in another place - Maripora - a city next to Sao Paulo. In the morning, my brother in law preached about John 2 and in the afternoon we had barbecue. Many members came from another church (let us call Mother Church) which I attended when I was a child, so it was good to be there.
In John 2, Jesus was in a wedding party, when the wine was over and his mother asked him to make something about it. My brother in law emphasized the shame of the bridegroom. Jesus freed him and his wife of the shame as He frees as from the shame of sin.
I enjoyed to see him preaching because he focused on leading others to Jesus through his wedding celebration.
On October 22nd, Saturday, we went to another 25 years wedding celebration in the Mother Church where I attended when I was a child.  I confess I was not eager to go there, but it was very nice to meet many brothers and sisters in Jesus.
These wedding feasts are just a small sample of the great wedding feast when the Lamb will meet his Church.

Fruit

Yesterday I was in a wedding party and met a former member of the church, someone who had worked very hard there. I told him that is very unpleasant to work hard and do not see any fruit, any progress of a church that in fact is a club. He exhorted me to be in the Spirit and not in the flesh: the Spirit is the One who works, not me; thus I should not be dis-motivated like that.

I told him, that in fact, I see the Spirit acting at least in me, and in my very next ones. He must be right, but not 100% right.

Basically, I have to rest in the Lord - He is really the One who provides growth to his Church. However, I suppose that some of my critics are really right: my local church works in closed doors focusing nikkeis - Japanese descendants. However, I suppose it is really worse: even a Japanese descendant can not go there without being invited. Brazil is violent, but is it really necessary to work in this way? This club oriented behavior is killing the church. It is behaving as still waters where fishes are dying. Today my wife will have to cook in the church. Is it really for God or for a club?

Anyway, I believe that the Spirit is gradually changing me, but I really need much more of the Spirit in me. I am tired of my local church.
I got an idea: there are a lot of good things that are happening to me because I belong to this church. Yesterday, for instance, I visited S with DH - both had strokes. I am learning a lot because I am in the church. There are problems, but there are many blessings too. I need to count the blessings.

Disagreement

Last Sunday, 11, after the cult, I was talking to a urologist that happened to be in our church. As I had recently the Urinary Tract Infection, I thought that the Lord sent him there. 

As I was talking to him, my pastor broke the conversation, asking me to change my preaching day from the first to the second Sunday of October. I agreed with him very fast trying to keep up my conversation, however, the pastor decided to get his free medical appointment. I became angry with this lack of respect, said nothing and left the place.

After the Sunday School, as pastor's wife returned to my preaching day change subject, I tried to understand what caused it. The pastor told me: "you do not preach. Rest on this month!"

I became more angry: are we talking the same language? He is Japanese - issei - first generation with a bad Portuguese. I asked his wife to intervene as he should not be understanding Portuguese. She told him that I wanted to preach. In fact, I did not say that, but it was OK in that context. He began to ask me: "Do you preach on Second Sunday?". 

At this moment, I was very angry to answer, so I answered in low voice. But he is old and did not hear. He asked me in a higher voice: "Do you preach on Second Sunday?". This time, I refused to answer. Is he crazy? He repeated again in a higher voice. For me, it was enough. I stood up to leave the room. 

I am not the kind of sheep that are very meek to any pastor, but I have never been more meek than I am being with this Japanese pastor. I am doing things that are against my will. I was invited to some duties in my former church, but I refused. Here, in this church, I am taking many duties. The worse to me is to be a deacon and approve many wishes from the pastor. I am being a deacon for around 7 years. It is time to say "no" to the next year.

Yesterday, I told what happened to the pastor's wife. She told me to be patient. He is becoming old, he forget things. If I knew he is with Alzheimer, I would be more complacent with him. I really think that he is avoiding me. Any time, I am talking to someone, he comes and talks to the other person, breaking the conversation. It happened many times since this incident. Is it by chance? Is it on purpose? God knows.
Let the Lord deal with this situation. I have to turn my eyes upon Jesus so that the things of earth will grow strangely dim in the light of His glory and grace. Perhaps, that is what the Lord wants from me. He wants me to turn to Him instead of paying so much attention to my old pastor.

Talents

In Matthew 25, we read:
 24 He also who had received the one talent came forward, saying, ‘Master, I knew you to be a hard man, reaping where you did not sow, and gathering where you scattered no seed, 25 so I was afraid, and I went and hid your talent in the ground. Here you have what is yours.’ 26 But his master answered him, ‘You wicked and slothful servant! You knew that I reap where I have not sown and gather where I scattered no seed? 27 Then you ought to have invested my money with the bankers, and at my coming I should have received what was my own with interest.28 So take the talent from him and give it to him who has the ten talents. 29 For to everyone who has will more be given, and he will have an abundance. But from the one who has not, even what he has will be taken away. 30 And cast the worthless servant into the outer darkness. In that place there will be weeping and gnashing of teeth.’

I am 53 years old. I am sure that the Lord gave me many talents. I suppose that I have 20 years more of life, because after 73 years old, I am not so confident about my health. Today I went to the ophthalmologist doctor. He told me I am developing cataracts. I mean, I am beginning to decline physically, however, now, I feel I am in a great shape.
I would like to live multiplying the talents the Lord gave me, but until now, it seems to me I have lived to myself only and I am missing something. Lord, what is your purpose to me?
Many pastors would say that the best thing one can do is to bring souls to Jesus. Well, in a more Calvinistic approach, I would say that the best thing one can do is to glorify the Lord and delight in Him. Anyway, I would like very much to lead many souls to Jesus.
However, "lead a soul to Jesus" is translated to take a person (generally a pleasant person) to the church. I myself am really disappointed with my local church, but I can not think of anyone better. What is church? My local church behaves as a club. A lot of people wants the lunch but not the Word. They want to lunch but they do not want to work for it. Thus, few people must cook to many others in name of Love. Most of the members do not seem to read the Bible, meditate on it, and even taking care to put in practice. Therefore, it is very rare to see lives changed, worse, it is very rare to see some passion to Jesus. Is it to lead someone to Jesus? Is not it to lead someone to a club?
The great problem is that I can not think of a local church that is much better than mine.
Returning to the talents.
Around 5 years ago, I would like to retire and dedicate my life to the church; but now I changed my mind.
Brazil is really a dangerous place.
Would not it be much better to create a company in residential automation using some kind of open hardware and open software as arduino and linux? It would be very nice to detect intruders and even command the house by internet. I think I can do it.
I am a teacher.
I thought to open a company at my house, displaying some projects in youtube that automates my house. I can teach about these projects at home and I can sell projects to others residences. I can sell arduino. My company could employ my best pupils. Is it to glorify the Lord? Perhaps a company like that is like a church. A honest company that helps others: Christians and non Christians, can be very pleasing to the Lord.
If the Lord helps me, I can multiply my talents by a company like that.

CyanogenMod

My smartphone android was getting very old, but I bought with a good hardware some years ago: 2Gb of RAM and 32Gb of flash. I decided to upgrade to a new android and installed CyanogenMod12.1. Congratulations to CyanogenMod! Perfect!
In a similar way, Jesus is a new ROM, a new version of me.
My new version is pleasing to the Lord, not by my old self, but by Jesus in me.

September 7th, Independence day

It is told that on September, 7th of 1822, the Portuguese Prince, Don Pedro I, decided to proclaim the independence of Brazil from Portugal and became king of Brazil.
Brazilians became discontent with Don Pedro I. He abdicated his throne in favor to his son: Don Pedro II. Amazingly, he came back to Portugal when his father Don Joao VI died and became king of Portugal, but this time, Don Pedro IV.
For me a very confusing history, since the Portuguese Prince was against his father's (Don Joao VI) will and consequently against his own will.

Although today is a Holiday, I forbid my daughter to go out and study because she needs it. She and my wife became against me, but her doubts in Mathematics confirmed that I was right.  

Rik

Yesterday, I had lunch with Rik, a ex work colleague from 1986. At this time, he was attending to the meetings of Jehovah's Witnesses. I had always seen myself as a more orthodox protestant, but, I liked to talk to him about the Bible. I thought a lot about the position against the deity of Christ. The question is: Is Jesus my object of adoration? For me, it is a clear "yes" and that is the position that more harmonizes with the whole Bible. 

Despite this, recently, I decided to share with him my comments of the Bible, so that he refines it.

He knows a lot about dates, places, persons, and those relationships. As he studied a lot, he saw many  apparent inconsistencies and began to think about explanations to these inconsistencies deriving some kind of deep Bible, I mean, information (really? perhaps hypothesis) that is in the Bible that only appears through solving the inconsistencies. Although I am not as meticulous as he is, I really find interesting his Bible reading. Certainly, I have learned a lot of Bible through him. However, I really put a filter on his information trying to absorb what is good and preventing what is bad.

His "deep Bible" may contain a lot of his own ideas creating a trap to himself. 

Very few people really read the Bible at our local church, however a lot of Bible reading does not automatically translate into more communion with the Lord. 

I pray that my friend finds freedom in the Lord.

Bible based Decision

Although I was not present, a guest pastor told to our church about Abraham, his order to sacrifice Isaac and how he proceeded. The pastor took lessons from the text such as: do not question the Lord's order. 

Certainly, it shocked a physician and professor with a sharp mind that is in his 70's. For him, this kind of sermon would lead a lunatic to make atrocities in God's name.  How to avoid it? He put it as a debate in Sunday School to listen and take his conclusions.

I told that Bible reading and prayer should guide the christian. The World of the Lord is light to the feet of the believer. A lot of people are misled due to lack of knowing the Word, lack of prayer, and their own greed.
He was not very satisfied with this answer. I think that he wants to dissect the reasoning of the guest pastor and his conclusion. In some way he is right. There are many conclusions based on small excerpts from the scripture that are not sustained by a more meticulous approach. 

A new glass

I really do not know why, but here in Brazil, spectacles are three times more expansive than U.S. to my thick lens. I just decided to consult prices in a optician, but my glasses were so bad that, finally I surrendered to the seller and bought a new one. Meanwhile, the seller cleaned my glasses with some chemical and now, I am looking much better.

A glass that I use to read the Bible is from yesterday's post. The Lord established with me a covenant. It is an honor to be chosen by the Lord, to love, adore and serve Him.
Reading the Bible became much more alive after using this spectacle, after believing in my covenant with the Lord.

Human Relationship Types

There are two basic human relationships:

- covenant. Ex: marriage, father-son. These relationships reflect how the Lord deals with the believer. They are a strong relationship. How can a father abandon his son?

- commercial. Ex: seller-buyer. This is very weak relationship. The buyer may choose freely among sellers, so the seller must always improve his business to attract and maintain buyers. 

There are some relationships that are in the middle.

We contracted a housekeeper around 13 years ago. She was very diligent in her service and we were very fortunate to contract her. At first, I was reluctant about her, but I began to develop a very open friendship. 

In Proverbs 29:21

A servant pampered from youth will turn out to be insolent.

I knew this from the Bible and I should have paid more attention because she really became insolent. She does not see herself as an employee. She rejects orders in a insolent way.

This type of relationship is neither a covenant nor commercial. Something in between. I am considering that these are the worse kind of relationships because it is hard to break it without pain as in a commercial relationship although nobody expects the kind of fidelity from a covenant relationship. As it is hard to break, there is some kind of laziness that could not exist in a commercial relationship.

I would like to ask Solomon how to deal with a servant. How to keep things working in a friendly way, but not so friendly to get insolence. 
These thoughts make me ask:
- what kind of relationship should we have in a church? 
Christians call one another brothers in Jesus - a covenant relationship.
Let us suppose that employer and employee belongs to the same church. They are calling one another brothers in the church, but are they brothers in a daily basis? This kind of relationship would not create insolent servants? Would Solomon answer me?

Urinary Tract Infection (UTI)

I could not sleep yesterday night due to:

• A strong, persistent urge to urinate
• A burning sensation when urinating
• Blood in urine.

Around 4:00H AM, when I saw the blood in urine, my wife took me to a First Aid Center near home. Due to the blood, I considered cancer as an hypothesis.

I managed to sleep when I was given a slowly intravenous injection of buscopan.

After some studies, they concluded that I was with UTI.

Now, one day later, using antibiotics (Cipro), I am much better.

I really can not imagine a world without antibiotics. I thought that UTI was a mortal disease.

My heroin was my wife. In the first aid center, I forgot the documents. My wife had to come back home and take them to the hospital. As my passage there was taking hours and hours, she left me there, but she returned just to pick me up. 

In Ecclesiastes 4:

9 Two are better than one,

because they have a good return for their labor:

10If either of them falls down,

one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls

and has no one to help them up.

11Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

12Though one may be overpowered,

two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken.

Anger

Anger

One of my problems is to avoid rejection at maximum, mainly, from unknown people I have just met for the first time. It is very illogical.
As a teacher, I am very used to rejection. Why, then, in some cases, just the appearance of rejection hurts me and in other cases not? Even when preaching, I am also used to rejection.
I have just found out one way to avoid this kind of feeling: look to Lord's sovereignty.
Let us suppose someone is angry with me, but I hardly know him.
Everything is under God's will, so this anger too.
Instead of thinking too much about rejection, I just have to pray to the Lord that is above everything, He is sovereign, so he is above some anger against me.
The problem is that I forget this as if someone's anger is totally detached from the Lord.

Natural way

I have just talked to Mr. DH - the brother in Jesus who had 3 strokes. He decided to visit S who had a recent stroke, to give him a hope message. The Lord is being merciful to Mr S, despite his suffering, because he provided this meeting with Mr. DH. 

Mr S saw the stroke as something worse than death. He is still in a wheel chair.

DH told me that just after the stroke he could not command his limbs. He had to relearn everything again, inclusive, walking. It required a lot of effort. He had to decide to crawl instead of using a wheel chair. It was not the natural way because he had to fight laziness everyday. 

He showed Mr S that it is possible to regain control of one's body but it requires some faith that it is possible. Now, Mr S believes that it is possible.

Mr DH saw that the Lord is a father that wants his son to grow, to have dominion over nature.

Rubik's Cube

My daughter was talking about Chinese students at our children's school. They are famously known as nerds. I told to my children that they must succeed in life. My son told us:
- I can not believe that the Chinese from my class will succeed.
- Why?
- Our class was forbidden to play Rubik's cube, however a group of Chinese disrespects these orders and plays it in front of the teacher but he pretends that nothing is happening and allows them playing.
- Ah... but this does not mean they will not succeed... I told him.
- Last year, the teacher decided to finish the year with a Rubik's cube tournament. Dad, no one of these Chinese won!
- Well... Perhaps you are right.
It was very funny to me.
There are many first immigrants from China that are very courageous and make business without knowing Portuguese. They do not think that even the language is a barrier to work. They are prone to be entrepreneurs instead of working to others. Many Chinese students must also learn Portuguese besides other normal subjects to succeed in class.  Many Chinese immigrants face the unknown with some kind of faith that they will succeed.
Christians have a foundation that enables them to overcome barriers as the Chinese immigrants do.

Authority and love

I tried to persuade the new brother I met yesterday that he should teach, even in Sunday School.
A teacher learns a lot about authority and love.
A teacher that does not exercise authority when needed, is sinning.
It is a sin of omission not to interfere in cases of bullying.
A bad student does not have the right to disturb the class, blocking others from learning. Thus the teacher must exercise his authority and, in some cases, expel the bad student. Isn't it love? Yes, for the students that are there to learn. It is also love for the bad student that must be guided to repentance.
However, a professor that loves his students in this way receives not only love from some, but also anger from many.
Jesus does not transform anyone in a coward, but in a brave soldier that fights for love and justice.

A new brother

Today, we took our daughter to a birthday party. There I met a guy who is an engineer and a brother in Jesus. I was amazed about our similarities.

It took a long time for me and for him to realize that we have found a new identity in Jesus despite attending to church services for many decades. It is just after this new identity that we really found rest in Jesus.

I learned one thing with him. He was telling me:

- If Jesus loves me despite what I do, I really can rest in Him. Thus, I see no need to please another person. Even though, I really go and talk to someone because I am pleased to do so. 

He was telling me that he spreads the gospel in a more natural way to him. He is not the kind of guy that meets a stranger and begins to evangelize. However, he waits for the Holly Ghost to show him that he should pray for someone in needy. Whenever he hears about someone sick, he is eager to pray for him, even, for non Christians. He told me that in one case, the person was not healed but he found Jesus, what was much better.

It amazed me how the Spirit guided me today and taught me through him.

Priorities after Suffering

Today, I asked my brother in Christ, DH, about a lesson that he had learned from his 3 strokes.

He told me that before the strokes he was always making plans for 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years ahead. These plans did not work, but they stressed him.

Today, he is very happy for his day, paying attention on God keeping him alive.

He told me that there are very few things really necessary: air, water, food and a shelter. 

He decided to enjoy each day as a gift from the Lord.

In other word, he decided to enjoy God's grace over him.

Even with some sequels from the strokes, he is much happier than before. The Lord changed his priorities. Now he focus on what is important: life.

Certainly I must think as him.
For instance, this morning I was watching videos in youtube about the next financial crisis in US. Interestingly, the video was talking about how comfortable the Jews were in Nazi Germany urging the watcher to escape the next US crisis that should happen this year (an election year). Focusing on life today does not fit to watching this kind of videos. For instance:  talking to my children is much more important. Even walking is more important.

Job

I am meditating on Job 1.

Job1:1 This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.

Job1:8 There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God  and shuns evil.

Job2:3 There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.

The question is:

In what circumstance Job would sin? Job was not sinning in good times. Would he sin in bad times?

After a lot of suffering:

Job1:22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. 

After more suffering: 

Job2:9-10 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”.  In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

His suffering was a temptation to curse God, to see Him as unfair, to charge God with wrongdoing.

Is it possible that the Lord treats badly a blameless creature?

Yes. It is.

How is it possible to see Him as a just and good Lord despite suffering?

The answer is looking to his grace:

Job2:10 Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?

Job1:21 The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.

The losses are not real losses because everything came from him, so Job did not loose anything. He accepted the good and the bad things from the Lord. Everything was from Him: his prosperity, many serves, wealth but also, poorness and even his children killed. 

Although the text talks about Satan, Job ultimately sees the evil upon him coming from the Lord. 

I must learn with Job, to see the good and bad things that happens daily in my life, ultimately coming from the Lord. 

Invitation

I preach once a month in my church but I am not a pastor and I do not receive anything for preaching.
It is a honor to preach, to be invited to spread the Lord's word.
For me, it is some kind of sacrifice, as an offer. I comprehend that the Lord receives an offer from a pure heart, thus, I must be alert to repent from my sins before preaching.
I was invited to preach at another church, this Sunday, 28th of August.
After I had my life threatened some weeks ago, I listened to a Tim Keller sermon on Job 1. I enjoyed it very much and I applied to the events that were occurring at the invasion of my second father's house. I must be preaching on Job 1 this Sunday.
A more normal human being asks "why am I suffering?", but Job saw it coming from the Lord. Job was fearful to the Lord in good days. Would he be fearful in bad days? Was Job really serving the Lord with an unselfish love? Was Job fearful in good days, because the Lord was richly blessing him?
Today was a good day to me: no flat tire, no rain in the way, no accident, the Sun returned to shine in Sao Paulo city, the meeting with professors and students was not bad. I am fortunate to see the Lord's hand even in good days.

flat tire

I could not ride my bike today due to a flat tire.

I planned to go the Pilates class yesterday, but without the bike, it would take much more time than I had planned. So I did not fulfill it today.

I went by train in the morning and my professor brought me back in the evening. He was kind to me.

I had to fix the tire after dinner. A very small spike changed my daily routine.

Today, I think in some way, my Lord sent the spike, changed my daily routine and was kind through my professor.

Assessment

Today I took all day long assessing my students final exams. Many students have a irrational behavior. Instead of paying attention and annotate the class, they simply sleep over their desks. I try very much to interact with them, asking many questions during class, but it is not an easy task to get their attention.  This is reflected on the final exams. It is very irrational to waste the class time instead of learning to the final exam. 

It is very similar to the way, most of us live.  Everybody knows that are going to die and in judgement day, love is more important than money. But so what? Most of us live as if there is no death.

Burden

I was conducting the Sunday School class today and asked everybody to share their Bible readings from this week and doubts. Someone shared about the difficult to put in practice the Word in her daily life behaving as the good Samaritan.
I tried to explain that the good Samaritan is a parable made to show how far the religiosity of pharisees was from the the will of the Lord. That is why we had religious leaders behaving worse than a despised Samaritan. I told her that it is dangerous to read it as: "unless you become as good as the good Samaritan you will not be accepted by the Lord". By the opposite, first we should see ourselves as redeemed by the Lord and then be merciful to others.
I noticed that she was not satisfied with the explanation. She was looking to me as I was relaxing the Lord's will.
I told her that the Lord calls us for an abundant life, to rest in him, to have peace and joy. How is it possible when we are so distant from being kind as the Lord? The distance from her kindness to the good Samaritan, to the Lord's will, is a heavy burden to her. I myself know this burden because I was embracing the same reasoning up to, perhaps, 5 years ago.
I told her that today I can rest in Jesus because I really believe that I am in God's hand and not in my hand. I am controlled by the Lord and not by me. Even my sins are bound by the Lord. I mean, I can not flee from the Lord, I can not escape from his presence because I am his (as in Psalm 139).  I can not believe so much in my free will. My evil heart would apart me from the Lord, but, the Lord took my heart and is reshaping it.
She was still suspicious and told me she would meditate on this.
I really can not see any other way to combine the rest in Jesus and the burden that his words causes on me, unless I believe that Jesus himself is by my side carrying it.

My wife

We celebrated 15 years of marriage this year.
When I was adolescent, I read the book: "The Fourth Dimension" from Paul Yonggi Cho. It had a very bad impact on my wedding and I really do not recommend it. As I remember, the author urges the reader to specify in detail what is being asked in prayer, so that when he receives, he will clearly acknowledge the answer from the Lord. Unfortunately, I was very naive (as most adolescents), the book was recommended, and I was eager to ask things to the Lord. So, I embraced the book and asked a wife with a very good specification.



I was very motivated to find the love of my life, given by the Lord, marry her and be happy.
The Lord, however, is like a wild leon, and He does what pleases Him and not what pleases me.
I waited for the charming beauty for many years.
When I met my wife, sadly, she did not meet the requirements. Even fearful, I married her. Perhaps, I was afraid to die alone. By other side, she can not explain why she insisted so much on marriage.
We had many fights after marriage. Some or many were my fault. I was not happy with my spouse and she knew it.
The Lord is slow to anger. He loves me so much that gradually I began to learn contentment.
Today, I think the opposite. My wife is much more than I deserved. She is very beautiful, hard working and much more friendly than I am. She really complements me: I am not a beauty, somehow lazy and socially adverse. Thanks heaven, the Lord gave her to me.
I recommend you not to read or believe in books that presents a God that wants to satisfy your desires. However, the Lord satisfies the desires of the heart aligned to his will.

Small favor

As I was scheduled to work at another place, I had my daily routine broken today. At first, I was a little upset to waste my time doing nonsense things, but now, I see that the Lord took me to travel and I enjoyed something different.

A bus driver made me a small favor when returning. He dropped me on the way back. It saved 1:00H in commuting. I thanked him for his generosity, but I saw the Lord being gracious to me. It reminded me the one who is in front Jesus at judgement day and asks: "when did I give you water to drink?". He replied: "when you gave it to my little ones".

Here is a photo when I was walking to my job today:

A bet on condolence

I was really in doubt about one student: should I reprove him or should I assign another test to him?
I decided to reprove because I do not want that my students think it is easy to get another chance. If he were my child, I would do the same.
He must have had many merciful teachers that gave another chance to him.
He did not show in one test. I suppose he was expecting me to apply almost the same test exclusively to him. In this case, he would be benefited by wrong doing.
I want to show my children and my students that crime does not pay.
However, crime seems to pay for those who do not believe in judgement after death.

being loved

I try to chat with my children at dinner, mainly with my daughter. Generally, I make some questions about school such as: what class did you enjoy more, and what did you hate more? She answers as an obligation. Most of time she is always in a bad mood and complains about everything.
At dinner, today, I could talk in a more pleasant way with my daughter. She said that some students were disrespecting her teacher. I really became interested why and the conversation flew naturally. She told me that the teacher was not energetic to stop small conversations. His students got very comfortable in his class yielding noisy conversations which made him mad.
This small "happy" conversation sounded as victory to me.
On Monday, I read to my chindren Psalm 33:1-12. In 12:

The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
    the earth is full of his unfailing love.

I asked her: Do you really believe that the earth is full of the unfailing love of the Lord? Do you think that David was well treated when wrote this psalm? No, he had a lot of troubles but despite this, he was always seeing how God loved him, specially him. 
I told her that when I was coming back home (Monday) by bicycle, I took a heavy rain. It was cold, but each drop of water that hit me was as the Lord saying: "I love you". So I imagined a lot of "I love you" from the Lord.  
I urged her to think as David. Not only that, but I asked her to see my love as a father for her. 
That night she tenderly embraced me when saying "good night".
It requires some effort to feel loved.

Rules and Justice

Last Thursday, I applied the final test of microprocessors to my students. One student missed it, but he asked me to apply another test for him. He just decided not to show at the final test.
During the microprocessor course, the students were divided in groups. He was always making other stuff, pretending he was working with his colleagues. I know he does not deserve the score I assigned to his group.
What is justice?
A person is seen as correct when follows the rules, but is it enough?
Depending on how I follow the rules, this lazy student will pass without studying. A professor makes justice when he pass students that learned the subject and reproves otherwise. This is a little different of following rules because a student can be benefited by group works. In general, rules work very well and the score assigned to the student is fair, but there are exceptions. Perhaps, the rules should be refined for these special cases. The problem is that more rules creates other cracks in the approval requirements and it must be impossible to create the perfect set of rules.
Justice can not be accomplished by a set of rules. It is beyond that.

Bubble

Although my parent's family does not celebrate birthdays and commemorative dates, yesterday, my wife decided to celebrate the father's day (every second Sunday of August), thus we called my parents, my brother's and sister's family. Sadly, my family is not united so, I had some discomfort.
We were talking after lunch but, for me, I was not eager to engage in foolishness chat. So my brother in law was free to be in charge of the conversation.
My mother, with Alzheimer, was seated next to me. I pointed my wife and asked who she was in a low voice. He stopped his conversation, and decided to call my attention. He said that I was embarrassing her as she was not able to answer. He complained: "You are testing people and nobody wants to be tested!".
I told him that nowadays people seems to avoid suffering at maximum, but this avoidance does not translate into love. What is love? Nobody was giving any attention to my mother. She was in her world during conversation. I was just taking her to our world, but using a very simple language that everybody understand: "who is she?".
He told that I should try something different, such as: "are you cold?" which was less harming to her. I asked him to explain in detail, why my question was harming my mother. Everybody knows she is with Alzheimer so nobody would laugh for any silly answer. Was she feeling dumb? She showed no sign of it. She was not even catching the discussion. My sister (and brother in law) is politically correct and, she very rarely visits my parents.
What is love? Love is not put my mother in a bubble and forget her there. Love is to interact with her, to be present.

Guilt

I took this photo in July 22nd:

Do you see a traffic jam over the bridge (acesso para a av. Bandeirantes)?
Does the sequence of cars a random or a determined one?
Is God really in charge of everything?

We read in the 10 commandments:

Exodus20:7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

The false pastor, his homicide companion and other thieves, who invaded my father's house, were pretending to be christians, saying they were taking possession of the land as Joshua took possession of Jericho. They were guilt of breaking the third commandment: not take the name of the Lord in vain.
My father was told that one of the intruders, a dangerous one, was killed. It must be after the damage of the Volks and the robbery of many items from my father's house.
We are not assassins, but in my heart, I really hope that the one killed was the homicide who threatened me.
Am I wrong for such desire? From Psalm 31:

O Lord, let me not be put to shame,
    for I call upon you;
let the wicked be put to shame;
    let them go silently to Sheol.
18 Let the lying lips be mute,
    which speak insolently against the righteous
    in pride and contempt.

David asks that the wicked go silently to Sheol. He desires that the wicked perishes.
I really see that the Lord is in charge.
My life is really in Lord's hand.
Even the life of the wicked is in Lord's hand.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Wisdom

Here is a photo from my dinner in August, 3rd:

I enjoy very much vegetables, olive oil, fish and rice.
The Almighty loves me and my family.

The Almighty loved Job too.

Satan bet that Job loved the Lord for his own benefit.
The Lord said that it was a lie, Job loved the Lord because He is the only one worth of praise.
The Lord permitted that Job suffered under Satan's power to show he was wrong.
The main cause of suffering is the loss of a precious thing or somebody.
Suffering is like a filter that separates the chosen ones from the rebels. After the huge loss, the chosen ones will praise the Lord while the rebels can not see God that keeps them.
I hope that my father grows much more in faith now that he had big losses due to the intruders that plundered the house and broke the Volks. Let him say like Job:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised.”

Hope

I took this photo yesterday, August 9th:

The leaves become yellow once a year. I was hoping to see it again this year. For me, it was sign that the Lord loves me.
Life is hard, but much harder without hope.

The one who threatened to kill me on Saturday must be very dangerous. His name appears in many judicial processes, in some, as a homicide. 

Perhaps I am paranoid thinking about it continually. Perhaps not.

I must focus on Jesus:  Don't be afraid of those who kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul. Rather, fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.

If it is really true that God exists and He has written all my days here on earth, I must not be afraid of anything. My life is not in the hands of an homicide. It may appear so in this earth but it is just an illusion. My life is in God's hand.

This thought made me sing with joy to the Lord.

I arrived home, yesterday, and searched for jobs in Canada.

Guess what? A lot for computer engineering.

Perhaps this idea will vanish quickly from my brain, perhaps not.

Anyway, the hope made me glad.

Scheme

Sadly, we have governmental rules that benefits vagabonds and harms workers.

One rule says that if someone lives in an abandoned house for few months, he has taken the property.

Such rule opened one way to take over real sate properties involving thieves, policemen and lawyers. 

There is another law that permits churches to work without paying taxes.

I am quite sure that the false pastor is a lawyer who mocks the Lord. I am quite sure that policemen, this false pastor and thieves (real thieves) are involved in a great scam to legally take possession of real state properties and, by law, do not pay taxes.
Some policemen are corrupt. We were forced to wait many hours to fill a statement describing what happened until another case arrived. A lot of false declarations were written down from the false pastor as my father was dealing a rent contract but the truth that my father told had almost disappeared among so many lies. For me, the text was obviously part of a great scam. What can we do? Trust in men?
As my family is really not used to go to the police station, we did not ask for the statement. It was given to me by a policeman when were outside the police station building going to the car.

I am a Brazilian, but I am really sad about its future.

What can I hope to my children from this country? A country that allows lying for auto defense in court.  

Corruption exists anywhere, but I believe that it is much more organized here.

What does think my Father in Heaven about Brazil?

For now, I would like to leave this country.

Would the Lord help me to move away?

  

Oppression

Is Brazil a safe country?
No. It is not.
It has been very difficult to save money here in Brazil. Among many options, real state seemed a good way to save money, mainly before 1990, when Brazil was facing hyper inflation. My father has 2 houses. He lives in one but at the second house he was leaving his belongs such as an old VW (Volks) parked there and heavy tools (milling and lathe).
Intruders took the second house claiming they are building a church there.
They call one guy, "pastor".
Every Saturday, I visit my parents in order to read the Bible with them.
This Saturday was very different.
My father was notified about the invasion very soon in the morning, minutes after  I had arrived.
My father, my brother and I went there by car. I was very reluctantly and sat on the back seat.
I was talking about Joshua, Jericho and the spies to them on the car saying that we should pray, spy the house and call the police before anything.
As we approached the house, clearly, it was being plundered.
My father did not think.
He honked the car, calling the attention of the intruders, who surrounded the car.
My father and brother exited the car to discuss.
I pleaded that they come back but they did not.
I could not exit because the car was with the back doors locked.
I phoned the police from the car. As I was calling, one guy said: "Do not call the police or you will die".
The police came and took everybody to the police station.
The policemen said that we should lock the house putting some barrier in the entrance of the house.
My father and brother did it in the afternoon but the intruders came back and dismantled everything. My father thought to bring out our Volks but could not as there was another car blocking the exit.
Yesterday was Sunday.
I and my brother went to the church. My father decided to go back to the second house alone but the situation was worse.
The Voks was with the windows broken, no battery and many other damages.
My father decided to reconstruct a barrier. Meanwhile, 2 persons asked him about the price of the house.
He is almost 80 years old. He is outraged by the situation.
I asked him to rest today, Monday.
May I still recite Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

Wreckage

Here is a photo of an abandoned ship in Pinheiros river taken today:

I do not know why the ship was left there, but it was not meant to.

I was talking today to the lady who works at home. Sadly for her, she is entering in a divorce process, after 2 years separated. She is around 58 years old. When younger, she expected to enjoy life with her ex husband after retirement. Now, her ex husband is moving to a distant place with another woman, thus the needy for divorce. She had thought that they would live together until someone dies. Divorce brings a great sensation of failure: as she was building something that turned into a wreckage. Let Jesus be her light and her salvation.

Pilates

I liked this photo from July 15th:

It is a erected tree at sunset which I took from the "Praca do Relogio" at Sao Paulo University.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I began a Pilates course in order to keep my column erected as I am getting older.
Jesus wants me to walk with my column erected among men as a tree. The first Christians did not bow to any man, even Caesar, because only Jesus is Lord.