Shame

 My wife is much more friendly than I am. She wanted to gather her family here at home. At first, I was very upset about that because, I am obliged to interact with others that I am not so fond of; then I realized how much my wife was working on that: cleaning the house, preparing food, etc. and I was just complaining about that. I realized that she was showing love to her parents, serving them and by other hand, I just wanted to feel fine in my bubble. 

When her parents came yesterday, I enjoyed it and was very talkative. After eating "ceviche" (a typical food from Chile or Peru), I felt something was in my teeth so I decided to talk opening less my mouth. My wife saw it (after some time talking to other), and I felt ashamed about that. 

At night, I was wondering about how bad it was - how much the onion of ceviche in my teeth caused people to look down on me. What was really the problem? Certainly I wanted to cause a good impression, so I was bothered when I did the opposite. 

Today is Sunday. It is the Lord's day, day to look to the Lord and praise Him, to bother about much I please the Lord and not how much I please other people. I really know that the ceviche in my teeth is something very small in my life, but it is a symptom of how frequently I forget that I was created to praise the Lord and not to be praised by other people. 

An old-aged friend

I have an old aged friend, that I call "Ojisan".

Ojisan's father was a pastor. He and his siblings saw a lot of problems in churches; so many problems that now, he and his siblings don't attend any church. Ojisan see himself as a christian, some how devoted to the Lord. He criticizes practically all pastors that he knew in the thousand churches that he attended.

He sees himself as a kind of prophet that prophesies against many churches. He says he has this gift. 

It was he that leaded me to that nikkei church and I communicated to him that I am leaving the church and the preaching.

I was thinking that perhaps, he had a point in not attending any church now, because it is really hard to find one with a biblical vision; but as I keep talking to him, I noticed that he rarely talk about the Bible and he rarely talk about praying about anyone. It seems to me that he doesn't love the church, full of sinners.  

He likes to talk about politics and how many churches are involved with the world in search for power. It may be true, but, in my opinion, he should read the Bible against himself and see the Lord working on his own life before prophesy against any church. So, I urged him to read the Bible with me and concentrate on the Bible itself.

Unfortunately he rejected this gathering about Bible reading many and many times, but today, I think it is the last time I try. I think that it is somehow common that old aged men criticizes the world against him but can't find any problem in himself. This is really said because repentance is the key to life changes. I hope the Lord keeps me in his Way. Let the Lord takes care of my heart in my old ages: let my heart be soft as a flash and not hard as a stone.

small and big losses

 As usual, we (my family) bought a pilled water melon (just the fruit meat) in the open market. When I arrived home, there were a lot of smashed fruits. I became very annoyed with this small loss, so annoyed that I will have to discuss this matter (don't buy just the fruit meat, but it wholly) with my wife (who had this idea) in order to avoid future losses. The point is that a small loss made me think about how to avoid them in future because it hurt me.

I began to wonder how I care about big losses. I had many big financial losses, but did I learn some lessons about how to avoid them? It is somehow common that I don't learn anything from my big mistakes in stock market. It is common that I take big losses as granted and the solution is "diversification".

However, life is much greater than finances. I think that I am trying to write some kind of parable when talking about money, trying in a very small way imitate the Lord who told us many money-related parables.

Repentance is very much like a financial loss. Repentance must trigger questions such as: "how to avoid this sin in future? Is there some kind of reaction that I must trigger after some event? How to change some behavior that is leading me to failure?". I hope I repent about the great issues that I must repent so that my life is changed by the Lord.

IF - a system to help my son.

I stopped preaching.

I began to follow my son studies - how he is going on School. But this takes much less time than preparing a sermon.

So, I'm feeling free now! 

What to do? There are many boring things that I have to do (install cameras, study some computer related things, etc.), but, they are not urgent. I would like to spend some time to write in English (second language) thinking about a big IF. 

Let me think about some big problem I have in this world and how to solve it, IF I had all the money, or if people were 100% honest, or if I had some power to make laws, etc. 

My son doesn't like to study, to think, to workout in the gym, to learn a new musical instrument, etc. Sometimes, I think that he doesn't love himself. He doesn't mind about hygiene, his posture (he has a big deviation on his spine). I am his father. What should I do to help him? What is the purpose of his life? What does the Lord think of him?

I was very different. I see myself eager to learn new things, to improve my body. I want to have a good posture. I want to age in a better shape. I want to use my days as wisely as possible (not so sure, I am so wise...).

Is there something I can do to help my son? How to motivate him? How to find some hidden valuable thing in him?

Now, I am trying to make him pass on his school exams. As we live in a digital age, full of distractions, I make him study next to me (as I did all this week). This alone is useful. I am quite sure that he is much more responsible to study under my eyes. In few minutes, I can understand what he has to study and make him study it. So, at least on these last weeks (since I stopped preaching), it has been working fine. 

However, he can't live with a supervisor like me forever. He must be responsible! Is there any way to make him responsible? 
If I had some magic, I would like to make him enjoy studying, to make him think in a critical way, searching for the truth. I am sure that in this digital age, a self taught has a huge advantage over their competitors. I would like to make my son love God related things, to make him read the Bible by himself. Perhaps, I would like to see more of myself in him.

Life is much more than money, however, I believe that my son's quality of life must decline dramatically, because I can't see he taking care of himself. He is 16 years old, but he can't express himself properly.

Wealth don't compensate the Lord's gift. I would rather my son with a good mind instead of a lot of money.

So, is there any way to help my son?

He enjoys video game.

IF there were some video game to teach to him, to develop some qualities in him... I know that this idea about a "video game teacher" is old, and I don't know any video game teacher so far, but it should have one.

Let us take math:

Suppose my son has a math problem that he can't solve. The computer should give more and more hints about the solution, like a video game gives hints to pass to a new phase. The big problem of my son is that he gets stuck and really don't move when he can't figure out what is going on. It is very sad, as we have google, his booklets, etc, but, I don't know I, he seems to forget all useful tools he have to learn more. Thus, a computer system that supervises him and make suggestions to help him as I do, would be beneficial. This computer system should control all his internet access (because, sadly, he is able to waste his time on youtube), it should prepare some "score" about how he used his time.

I gave up preaching

 Last moth, August, I finished a sermon on Sunday and began to worry about my son. He is lost in his school activities going from bad to worse in his test scores. I am quite sure that just few people listen to my sermons. Anyway, the Lord reigns and He can touch the heart of anyone He wants without my help. I was given just the privilege to participate in spreading the gospel, however, I began to question: "what is more related to love - preach or help my son?". 

I concluded that the correct answer is "help my son". Basically, I don't see this church as a church that anymore fits my family needs and I prioritize my family over the church. I see my own family as the main church and the local church we attend as a "second church". There are many problems in our local church:

• Our little church is diminishing and we practically have no friends there.
• The pastor became very old and another pastor took charge. 
• The new pastor pretends to be preaching the Word. He uses the pulpit to defend the former church leaders who scandalized a lot of people by requesting a great compromise (for instance, taking all possessions of some people) with the church despite committing immoralities. As he can't openly talk about it, he uses the Bible urging the congregation to forgive one another's sins. For me, he is saying: forgive these leaders that weren't sincere enough to repent before the congregation. Therefore, his message is not clean. 
• The new pastor looks to me as a great threat to the congregation. He says that my message is condemnatory instead of loving. He can't see that I am preaching to lead people to Christ, but instead, he thinks that I am pointing the problems instead of pointing to the solution. So, in his view, my message brings despair and not salvation. Obviously, I see the opposite about myself. I believe that the Word set me free and it can set anyone free not only from the consequence of sin - the death - but also from the power of sin over the believer. So, for me, it is imperative that the preacher loves the Word and submits to it. If the Word condemns, the preacher must follow it. Anyone who read the Bible knows that there is no lack of condemnation there.
• The new pastor says that he abandoned the world, his company, to support the church that now he is the leader. It seems to me that he denies reality: he won't accept any derogatory commentary about his (our) church because he can't accept that he may have committed a big mistake in his life. For instance: when I told him that our little church is the Titanic leading to the iceberg, it sounded him as a curse. So, in his view, I was some kind of evil man because I said a simple observation.
• What is craziness? It is some disparity between reality (the church is fading, dying - due to lack of vision, of the Word) and a dream (the church will pass by the valley of death but will not die; by opposite, it will flourish despite whatever is happening). A church whose leader can't see reality is far from healthy (because the Lord is not so much concerned about the survival of a local church, in my opinion). It reminds me the prophet Jeremiah foreseeing the fall of Jerusalem when false prophets were foreseeing whatever pleases the king. The lack of seeing the reality yields lunatics due to the disparity between what the Bible says and how it is applied. I want my family in a healthy church.
• Therefore, it is better to help my son than preach in this church. Not only that, but it is better to leave this church and search for some healthier one.

I suppose that you want a healthy school, a healthy place to work, etc. but in some circumstances, you must get along with an unhealthy place. 

When speaking about church we have the following:

• in general, no one is so committed to a church that can't depart from it because, a church requires its members to sacrifice time and money to it (a percentage of your income, not all your wealth). So, in general, a church takes resources from its members, which makes each member not financially dependent of the church, unless, obviously, the member is the one who takes resources from the church. It happens with a pastor who abandoned everything to conduct it. In my case, I am fortunate that I am not a pastor, and I am not paid to preach. By opposite, I pay to preach because I contribute financially with the church. So in my case, I can go away, financially speaking.
•  if the message of a church is not focused on the Bible but instead, it is focused on the organization, flee from it because it may enslave you psychologically. I have seen churches that try to keep their members by menacing their members (in the name of the Lord). Something like: "if you leave, the Lord will deal with your unfaithfulness". This kind of church is unhealthy and should be avoided because you may venerate people (as if they are gods that really the power to bless you and curse you) and not the Lord (who really has the power).
• the Bible brings the good news: a new life in Jesus. If the church don't urge its members in becoming more and more like Jesus, flee from it: it doesn't deserve your time and money.

So, we may tolerate some unhealthy places depending on how we need them, but I am quite sure that we don't need to tolerate an unhealthy church. If your church doesn't preach the gospel as it is, search one which does. You may say: "You fool! There is no such thing as preaching the World as it is, because we all have some deficiencies in our theology". Ok! I agree, but some churches do have a better theology than others, besides, some preachers are more reverent in learning from the Bible than others. A healthy church is the one who listens to what the Lord says and not one that exalts a preacher or an organization above the Lord. 

If you can't locate a healthy church easily, at least, nowadays, you may listen to good preachers such as R. C. Sproul, John MacArthur and Tim Keller. I suppose it is better just to pray, read the Bible and listen to these teachers than to be attached to an unhealthy church. I am quite sure: there is no need to be connected to an unhealthy church nowadays. Another observation: you may think of your family as your main church and you (the man) as the priest.

We are called to love the Lord and to love others. Love means service and sacrifice. Even though, I am leaving this church; in many ways I pity this new pastor. He seems to me obstinate in defending the organization due to familiar ties, and in doing so, I think that he is harming himself and perhaps his family. I think that he really sees that the Lord must keep our little church alive, because the church is of the Lord. He also believes, that despite a lot of sins from former leaders, these sins that happened decades ago must be quietly forgotten or forgiven by the nowadays members. I make no presumption: the Lord may rise and destroy whatever church He wishes. Could be there any greater church than the Jewish Temple in Jerusalem? The Lord made Jerusalem the city where all jews should join, three times a year. Yet, everybody knows what happened to the Temple in 70dC. So, I can't believe that the Lord must keep  any local church alive.

The preacher must love his congregation and deal with its imperfections. I am not saying that a healthy church is a sinless church because I really don't believe on it. I am saying that a healthy church is guided by the Word, otherwise, it will easily become a club devoted to prestige their leaders and not Jesus. The problem is that all (real or pseudo) christian churches declare they are following the Word. So, a good indicative is to pay attention how the Bible is read: to impose heavy burdens on the congregation or to set them free by the Truth? Despite many problems in this little church, I really tried to stay there saying to myself that I was some kind of light in the darkness; so it was imperative that I should preach there once a month. However, I couldn't see any difference in the congregation. Funny that in Romans 2, Paul says: "9 if you are convinced that you are a guide for the blind, a light for those who are in the dark, 20 an instructor of the foolish, a teacher of little children, because you have in the law the embodiment of knowledge and truth— 21 you, then, who teach others, do you not teach yourself? ". 

When I read it, it seemed that the Lord was saying that He would take care of the church. I don't need to see myself as THE (read "a" in Romans NIV) light for those who are in dark.

Preparing for retirement: resting on Sunday

I am 58 year's old. 

Today is Sunday. 

Although my wife sees me as a lazy guy, I have been always thinking about my life and where I am heading to. My wife acknowledges that sometimes I am obsessed with some thought: something that troubles me and I must solve. I am gradually stopping these obsessive thoughts that consumes my brain and are generally unproductive. I have to stop thinking about some problem in my job, about some problem in relationships, about my future and about money on Sunday. 

Let Sunday be my resting day. 

Let Sunday be my thanksgiving day to the Lord. I must acknowledge everything the Lord has done to me. I must be grateful about my family, my job,  resources at my disposal, my health and friends. I really want to stop thinking about conquering something grandiose. Let me thinking about serving the great Lord, about carrying my cross, dying to myself and living to Him.  

I have been always a egoistic guy, very eager to dominate the world. Fortunately, the Lord forbade me of having everything I wished for. I can't imagine how proud I would become. 

Jesus didn't found any local church but he told about the assembly of believers in Matthew 16. In these days of corona-virus, the church is closed. Perhaps the great thing I could do in my retirement is to be more engaged in some local church. I am already engaged in my little Nikkei church that is diminishing - very, very few people. I think that I should find a more "living" church and leave a "dying" church. 

I don't have real friends in this little church. It seems that I and my family lack some real communion.

I am using Saturday to have a familiar cult by internet and I am also talking to two other people about christian related things. I fell more in a local church on Saturday than on Sunday, when we have the cult of our little church.

 

A house that is difficult to sell

 I have already told you about a house my dad bought around 1980. My dad is too cheap and every nickle must be saved. In Brazil at 1980's the best way to save money was to buy real estate due to hyperinflation.  Unfortunately, he bought a house in a area that became one of the most violent zones in Sao Paulo. Despite the violence, the area is near to Sao Paulo donwton, next to the subway, next to many bus stops, so, in some way, it is very well placed. Perhaps, some mayor decides do revitalize downtown and the area will  flourish in the future. Meanwhile, we are expected to pay taxes for a real estate that we can't utilize. 

I told you about a problem with an invasion of this house some years ago. After that, dad "rented" this house to a guy but he never payed us a cent, instead, he began to use the house as the owner, even sub locating to others. We are in a bad situation: if we ask the government to take him away, others will invade our property and there is nothing we can do about it; besides, as he knows where dad lives, we became afraid to take a more energetic approach. If we keep him there, it may cause some problems for selling (how to explain this situation?). 

So, it seemed to me that we were in a much better situation if we simply abandon the property. In order to do that, it is necessary to litigate and pay lawyers. I asked for a friend of my spouse that works in the justice department how should I proceed in this litigation. Surprisingly he became interested in receiving the real estate as his own expecting to sell and make a profit. He even promised to pay something when he sells the house. In this meantime, he contacted a real estate agent that became interested in this deal too. Both of them joined in this deal: to pay for the transfer of our property to them (in their names) and pay back something after the property is sold.  

We are about to make the deal because we want peace of mind or even comfort. We don't want to negotiate with the sub tenants there.

When I remember how cheap my father was and how we were created (to become as cheap as he is), it is so sad that some money that he saved during the hyperinflation days became null, void, nada. Had he used to pay for a better school to me, it would be much appropriate. I suffered bullying in the public school and I was one of the best students there. So, looking in retrospect, it seems that my suffering could be avoided. Anyway, I can't complain, because, even suffering bullying, the Lord blessed me and I entered in a good university. 

This house is becoming a lesson to me: "don't be cheap as your father!", "enjoy life!", "enjoy the money the Lord concedes to me!", "be generous!".

neighbor dog defects on my door

 I live in a upper middle class region in Brazil, but this doesn't prevent me from having to deal with  disrespectful  neighbors. As I live in a big city, I really don't know a lot of my neighbors, but certainly one of them, who has a dog, made it defect at the entrance of my house. It is very common that people walk with their dogs and let their urine and feces on their neighbors sidewalk (brazilian people are very friendly and very disrespectful at the same time!), but it is a worse provocation to let the feces at the very entrance of a house. Two days later, it happened in front of my garage. It must be the same dog by the feces shape. Today, we found a trash bag on our backyard that was thrown above the wall. I began to think that someone hates me or my family. Is this some kind o racism against nikkeis...? Nowadays, this prejudice is not so common but who knows?

 Brazil is facing a lot of problems with covid-19. I and my family are blessed by staying at home with our finances in order. Certainly, a lot of people were severed affected by the lock-down. So, I have much more to thank the Lord than to complain. My considerations about the feces on my door:

• The Lord knows everything. One single hair of my head is under his control.
• I am loved by the Lord, but this doesn't mean that I am loved by the human race.
• I must fear the Lord and not a bad neighbor.
• The Lord is my Protector and He revenges me, so I don't need to make justice by my own hands.
• Sometimes, the Lord makes me search for Him in the problems that happens to me.
• This house is not my house. I am living here in this world for a brief time. I will be moving next to my King. 
• The Lord wants me to pray for my enemies.

My old father is evolving in his dementia. He has some kind of schizophrenia because he listens to a "radio" that always says bad things. He is paranoid. He has to protect his money and his belongs. I don't know exactly why (e.g., he is afraid of being robbed or he wants to turn off the voice in his head), he is locking himself in his room with closed windows. Thus, the air is blocked. As, I suppose he is not cleaning the place, it is really a bad air that he constantly breaths. Poor dad! He is always protecting himself from my brother's wife and her son (his grand son). Let us suppose that my father had a Christian mind, then he were eager to pray for his enemies, to focus on the Lord's blessings and not on the evil surrounding himself. Certainly, a Christian mind would let him free.

Ravi Zacharias Scandal

 Today is February 17th.

I've known about Ravi Zacharias Scandal through :

I enjoy David Wood's video posts and this one is no different. 

I began to dig dipper and dipper on this scandal, and I found this video:

David Wood has been focusing on bringing Muslims to Jesus and I much appreciate what he does. It is interesting that Lori Thompson testimony is in a pro muslim youtube channel. I don't know how they got it; anyway, I will focus on Lori Thompson. 

She is the victim. I was bullied when student and I can understand a little bit of Lori Thompson and her husband pain. I remember when I had some thoughts about killing my perpetrators due to the pain they were inflicting on me. I had some thoughts about killing myself too. Fortunately, nothing occurred. 

However, I think that her case is far worse than mine because her perpetrator was a global evangelical leader who captivated and seduced her by using the name of the Lord in vain. 

It is interesting to see how many people seem to consider that a scandal such this should be avoided in order to keep the "no thinking" sheep on the Way. It is laughable that some ditto Christians seem to embrace a great apologist cause with sympathy while despising the poor victim. It is also very interesting that the one to uncover much of Ravi Zacharias lies was an atheist. 

For sure, we Christians must learn something about searching the Truth. Are we serious about the Truth?