financial freedom

I've just wachted
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1eag7mKYDvU
It reminds me Dennis Prager talking.
Pastor John MacArthur at 53'31'' of the video, mentions financial freedom as positive concept. The idea is to escape the debt bondage.
Let me rethink the pursuit of financial independence. It must be a different concept than financial freedom. In financial independence, the plan is to escape a job living by passive income. Thus, financial independence (passive income enough to cover the living costs) requires much more wealth then financial freedom (no debt). My thoughts about financial independence:

Pros

• A believer may have money. The Bible supports that it is necessary to work. It also supports that the one who works must be paid. Consequently, the Bible supports that a believer receives money (money is not evil). The wise generates wealth what is very necessary to financial independence. In fact, laziness is condemned. 
• wealth concentration is not bad because people are different. In the parable of the talents, there is a concentration of wealth. The rich gets richer, the poor, poorer. The world names it as "the principle of Matthew" because it is based on the Matthew gospel. Although the world sees wealth concentration as a sign of greedy, the Bible, in fact, doesn't condemn it. We find the Matthew principle in the Bible (in Matthew and Luke) but I really can't find a verse condemning the rich just for being rich. The greedy person is condemned. It is wise to let the more capable to use more money. It is also foolishness to let the slugger eat without working (as the world advocates and the Bible condemns). So, financial independence must not be condemned just because it concentrates wealth.
• The wise knows how to spend money. He spends less than his income - salary. It is prudent to do so, and foolishness to do otherwise. In general, prudence must lead to wealth.
• The wise plans to invest money and shuns evil.  As he doesn't follow the crowd in its foolishness (investing in bitcoin - for instance), he escapes a lot of troubles. The fool wants fast money, the wise doesn't care about it.
• Honest wealth is a blessing because it gives the resources for the rainy days. I think that the Lord blesses me by my job as a professor. Despite this, I am always listening to rumors about problems on my job where I could be fired. It is a relief not to depend only on my salary. 
• family support - financial independence enables me to sustain my family easier. Some Christians confuses "live by faith" with "test the Lord" when don't prepare for the rainy days.
• focus - financial independence enables me to separate what is important and what is futile. Even in my job, I could be led to make a lot of foolishness following another professor more important than me, just for the fear of loosing my job.
• opportunities - wealth is like instruction. It opens a world full of opportunities. For instance to travel to a different country. I know I have to be more generous. Wealth may be used for charity - help a brother in need. 

Cons

• financial independence as the purpose of living. I live for Jesus and not to have financial independence; but it is very easy to loose focus. Financial independence may be achieved following Jesus, but it is not the goal. In fact, Jesus could ask me to abandon my wealth (I hope not). I confess that I am still focused on it, but I was much more. It requires effort and discipline to understand how money is spent and keep searching for a better allocation. However, it requires effort to follow Jesus too. My wicked heart is very prone to put money in first place as it would be some Provider. 
• wasting a life on financial independence. I confess I was spending much more time and effort in achieving financial independence than in following Jesus. I improved, the Lord improved me; but I have to let my Lord works more on my wicked heart. I think that my Lord wants me to be wise on allocating money, but there must be a limit of time spent on this activity. In fact, now I suppose that I will be a better money manager with the Lord. 
• lack of contentment. For a non christian, it is very easy never to be satisfied with his wealth. I was like that. Even for a christian, it is very tempting to believe that it is necessary to save more and more and more in a ever accumulating process. 
• Jesus said not to accumulate money on earth. The money is not to be closed in some kind of "money generator machine" useful for a egoistical purpose. Perhaps, it would be wise for one person to put a limit to his own wealth. Perhaps, it would be wise to stop earning money and dedicate to a philanthropic cause. Although people are different and we may take wealth concentration as a normal thing, certainly, a believer must not devote his life on accumulating wealth because he has a higher call: to serve the Lord. 
• devotion to Mamon = Money as a god. The pursuit of financial independence makes a person to always think on money. I know that because I was like that. I came from a naughty family. The idea of financial independence was practically written in my DNA, but for me, there was some stress, fight with my wife for small money (and she spends big). I don't have to be so naughty; in fact, the Lord wants me to be generous. The Bible (in Timothy) condemns the love of money. It is a great temptation for someone who pursuits financial independence to love money as his redeemer. Jesus asked the rich man to abandon his wealth and follow him in order to have eternal life (at least, when Jesus was replying to his question - Master, what do I have to do to gain eternal life?) but eternal life doesn't come by giving everything to the poor, it comes by the proper faith in Jesus as the Messiah. So, Jesus was in fact telling the rich guy: you are not good, you are greedy and you must surrender to me in order to have eternal life because I am the source of life. 
• lack of generosity. It is very easy to believe that financial independence will provide me a good life. When I believe on it, I am very naughty. The Lord wants me to be generous. Generosity is a sign of a Christian. I know I have a lot to improve in this area. I think I am improving... but I am not so sure about that. Let me see: I am not fighting with my wife nowadays about money.
• lack of enjoyment. It is foolishness to work and not enjoy its fruit. In Ec 6:  God gives some people great wealth, riches, and honor. They have everything they need and everything they could ever want. But then God does not let them enjoy those things. Some stranger comes and takes everything. This is a very bad and senseless thing. The pursuit of financial independence may restrain some comfort to me, my family and others that is nonsense. This is very clear when I see my parents.

 In conclusion, wealth can be a gift from the Lord, but depending on how it is pursued, it is a curse to the infidel. Let me live with wealth that the Lord blesses me and be grateful with that. Let me see my Lord's providence so that I don't become a slave of money.

Alliance with Jesus

My next sermon will be about Matthew 8:

The Cost of Following Jesus

18 When Jesus saw the crowd around him, he gave orders to cross to the other side of the lake. 19 Then a teacher of the law came to him and said, “Teacher, I will follow you wherever you go.”

20 Jesus replied, “Foxes have dens and birds have nests, but the Son of Man has no place to lay his head.”

21 Another disciple said to him, “Lord, first let me go and bury my father.”

22 But Jesus told him, “Follow me, and let the dead bury their own dead.”

Jesus calls us to have an alliance with him, a compromise.
Jesus saw the crowd at his right, left and decided to cross the lake. I suppose, He is not interested in superficial relationships.
A teacher of the law made a great declaration when Jesus was taking the boat:
- "I will follow you wherever you go".
I suppose he expected that Jesus took him on the boat with his disciples as he was leaving the crowd.
Some suppose that the scribe was looking for some vibe as the crowd was around Jesus and he would be closer to Jesus, so the crowd would be around him too. Who knows? Perhaps He saw many miracles. Whatever the reason, he was indeed enchanted by Jesus.
However, Jesus replied:
- "The Son of Man has no home".
As he was a scribe, he should know Daniel 7:

13 “In my vision at night I looked, and there before me was one like a son of man,[a] coming with the clouds of heaven. He approached the Ancient of Days and was led into his presence.14 He was given authority, glory and sovereign power; all nations and peoples of every language worshiped him. His dominion is an everlasting dominion that will not pass away, and his kingdom is one that will never be destroyed.

So Jesus sounded as:
- "Are you willing to abandon the comfort of your home for the One who is the king over all nations?".
The scribe should sleep in no place previously known. He should follow Jesus in the unknown which would require some faith that Jesus is indeed the Son of Man.
The scribe might be like a teenager that is enchanted by a girl but he is very unstable: she is all to him and suddenly she is nothing to him.
In order to sustain a normal human marriage, there is a lot of adjustments from both sides; there is a lot of dying.  A normal marriage leads to some transformation which is painful. A follower of Jesus will always be requested to abandon his way of thinking, his way of seeing the world, and his own wisdom. As the follower is dying to himself, Jesus will be living and modifying his life more and more.
Another disciple (not in the 12) asked him, according to many commentaries,
- "Let me stay with dad as he is old in order to bury him after his death that may happen some years ahead".
In that region, "bury the father" may mean "wait for the father's death and bury him".
I think that this disciple, by opposite, should enter in the boat along others disciples, but he asked to break his journey with Jesus at that point. Jesus told him, according to commentaries:
- "Let the spiritual dead people bury the physical dead people."
as saying that lost people (dead people, people of this world) could handle the burying activity while him, should focus on a more noble mission. Thus, Jesus said:
- "following me is a greater vocation than the obligation to your own family".
Perhaps, as the man would come back to his parents, he would never follow Jesus.
This disciple was being disciplined. He might not be mature enough to leave Jesus and be exposed to his parents thoughts. Imagine that in a marriage, the wife asks for the husband to stay with his old father till he dies. It certainly should destroy the marriage.
Jesus calls me to have a deep relationship with him, an alliance that lasts to the eternity. He calls me to surrender my life to Him, that He will lead me in the unknown, to a new life full of hardships but also full of life. Following Jesus means to put Him in first place, even above the most deer ones.
For me, marriage had a great impact on my life. A solitary person lives for himself while a married person lives for his family. I, as a father, had to do a lot of things I didn't like. I went many times to hospitals due to my daughter but at the end, I am happier. In some way, I had to put my interests bellow my family.
An alliance with Jesus is very similar to a marriage where we find more joy, a more abundant life; but this is accomplished by continually saying: "Jesus, you are the Lord; your will come first."

An addendum:
What is a greater vocation than the obligation to my own family? The local church that works as a club? I suppose not. The Bible stress to honor the parents in the Old and New testaments. Some pastors take care of the crowd in a church and abandons their families. What a tragedy!
However, Jesus is really greater than my parents, my spouse and children. In fact, I have a great obligation to lead them all to Jesus. My family is my main church.

Sunday, with mommy

Sunday, July 15th, morning with dad;
Sunday, July 15th, afternoon with mommy.
My two sons went to the church. They were in the church from 9:15H AM to 17:00 PM. My brother brought them back and asked to take care of mommy for one or more hours.
I was afraid mommy went to the toilet, despite her diapers, and I had to clean it; but thanks heaven, she didn't go there.
Mommy was not very comfortable at home. I prepared her my oatmeal porridge.
I was very afraid that as she was walking from one side to another, she would fall again.
After sometime, she got tired and slept.
I was looking at her sleeping. Her cranium seems to be smaller in some parts, perhaps due to the Alzheimer.
It is very sad to be old loosing cognition, understanding, clear thoughts, motion and even control of basic things. What does remain after a life?
A life without Jesus is really a wasted life. However, I as Christian may be wasting a lot of my life too when I don't prioritize what is more essential to life, and prioritize my wicked desires to conquer the world to me.
Lord, please take care of me and of my heart.

Dad, again

The doctor asked a cranium tomography  to dad to discard the hypothesis of some tumor in dad's head due to the strange music he keeps listening. Although today is Sunday, I had to miss church and go along dad to the hospital. At first, I was wondering about letting dad alone as soon as the exam was over and go to the church.
However, when I met dad, he was very glad, smiling and asked me: "what are you doing after the exam?". I felt he liked to stay with me. I replied: "I was wondering about going to the church, but do you have another idea?". He had, go to a restaurant.
I decided to prioritize family over church. I really think that most members of the church are seeking a club, so now, dad comes first.
He told me more things about his childhood. No one wanted to tell him about his real father and he, as child, was afraid to ask anything in a time where all communication had to start from the seniors. The "grave wooden" was given to him when his grandfather moved to his house to be nursed by his single mother due to cancer.
He developed a theory who his father was based on the name of his sister. For me, it wasn't well grounded.
We had lunch together.
At first, I was convinced that the strange music came from a demon, but now, I think that it is some kind of his thoughts talking to him... His strange music usually talks about he and me. The singers in the strange music seems to see me as a more reliable person but my sister in law, as a not good person. These are his thoughts and he is listening as a strange music.
Today, I didn't explain him it is all in his head. Let it be.
Poor dad, he is at the end of his life (it must be less than 10 years, I suppose) and I think that he needs to escape his closed world. He wants to talk more and more with me; sharing his last moments on earth. Somehow, I must help my dad. He wants more than a son, he wants a friend.

Caught by surprise

Yesterday I was at Dad's house and as usual, I read the Bible there. We read Matthew 25:31-46.
It is very interesting that the way I read the Bible has changed very much after I strongly believe that the Spirit is over me, I have a new life in Jesus, I was born again, I will see Jesus after death, Jesus is in me, I am in Jesus, etc.
Matthew 25:31-46 seems, at first, a more Arminian text. Jesus is judging people: some were merciful and others not. The merciful goes to heaven, the unmerciful to hell. So basically, people are judged by his way of living.
As I was reading, verse 34 caught my attention:

34 Then the King will say to those at His right hand, Come, you blessed of My Father [you [g]favored of God and appointed to eternal salvation], inherit (receive as your own) the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.

So, it is well written that the kingdom was prepared for the elect since the Big Bang. Is this an Arminian text?
But I considered another very interesting point. Both sides seemed to be caught by surprise. Let us see.

37 Then the just and upright will answer Him, Lord, when did we see You hungry and gave You food, or thirsty and gave You something to drink?

They didn't notice Jesus when they were being merciful. Why?
A merciful person, guided by the Spirit, is not seeking a return from the Lord because He is really confident that the Lord is with him, that he has the blessing, the joy, the peace from the Lord. He is a light person. So they were caught by surprise when Jesus told them that their mercy was towards Him.
The other group was also taken by surprise:

44 Then they also [in their turn] will answer, Lord, when did we see You hungry or thirsty or a stranger or naked or sick or in prison, and did not minister to You?

A religious person that is not guided by the Spirit expects some return from the Lord. Even their good acts are not pleasing to the Lord. They might have contributed to their local church or any other entity that clearly was pro-Jesus. In the last day, they will think something as: "I did so much for Jesus, I worked so much to Him and He is not paying me back, what a deception!"

What can I understand from this text?
A genuine faith which leads to God's communion, leads also to a new life that loves others, that has compassion to the poor and oppressed. Let my faith be genuine! Certainly, Jesus has been changing my life. I see it, others see it. So, the question is not: "Am I merciful to enter into the kingdom?". A proper question is: "How to be more merciful in order to please my Redeemer?"
Let me confess my lack of mercy. I still can't change diapers of mommy.

Mixed race

My dad's father was gaijin and dad's mother was japanese. He looks more western than japanese.
As other nikkeis, dad was proud to be japanese and he had never told me his western side since childhood.
When I was around 12 years old, I was always asking mommy: "I can't believe dad is japanese because he doesn't look so". Mommy replied: "You are right. He is mixed race. His real dad was a gaijin but don't tell dad that you already know it because he doesn't like to talk about that". I obeyed her. Besides, I saw dad lying about his identity to other people claiming he was a pure race, with a pure japanese blood. Perhaps, he was hiding his identity to me and I let it go.
My surname is japanese but it had to be a normal brazilian surname. My grand mother married again to a nikkei who registered dad as his son. At that time, it was common to register a child after many years its birth; so dad was not even registered when grand mother married again.
Today something different happened.
Dad called me and began to talk in a low voice. He doesn't trust my sister in law. He showed me some kind of gravestone but it would be better to say a grave wooden with some kanjis (chinese characters) in one side and a woman name with her birth and death dates. Her birth date was in 1938 and her death in 1939. The kanjis are used in Buddhist ceremonies. This baby was in fact my dad's sister from his father. She had the brazilian surname I should have. Finally, dad told me something about his childhood. Why so much secret for so long time?
I couldn't stop thinking about it.
Contrary to dad, I really want that my children understand my soul, my thoughts so that they don't misjudge me.
Coming back home, I told my older son what happened and I asked him: would you like to have a brazilian surname? His face is really japanese (his blood is around 90% japanese). He told me it would be really strange for him to have a brazilian surname. At dinner, my son asked me: How did your dad get this grave-wooden? Good question. I am so used not to ask questions about my father childhood that I didn't ask anything. Dad told me today that his grand father gave it to him; but then, I began to ask: he was just 3 years old when his sister died; so how come his grand father gave it to him? Was it really some kind of grave wooden? No, dad told me something about it. It was not to stay in the grave (wooden is a fragile material). I understood it was some kind of memorial to stay inside home.
I asked my son: why my dad did decide to tell me this today? and I tried to answer it:
- because he is really alone and facing death. Mommy is with Alzheimer and he is continually listening to that strange music that reminds him about his own mortality. He wanted very much to discover what was written in kanji and he was trying to find a way to decipher it. I really don't know what made him tell me this. Was his quest in discovering some hidden secret in the kanjis or was his strange way to tell me what my surname should be?
My own origin seems a lot of random events outside of anyone's control. My real gaijin grand father has never known me but his DNA is in me. I believe that the Lord elected me to be his own before the big bang; so He was in control of my origin. He has been writing my own story much before I was even born.

My reformed friend Dan

I couldn't believe in "salvation assurance".
As an engineer, it seems to me that the "doubt" moved manhood ahead while "assurance" stagnated. I was an Arminian, believing in free will - a will that is alien to the Lord's will. I believed that the Lord, in his kindness, was very respectful to men's free will. And despite that, the Lord demanded obedience to his Word as a sign of perseverance. How can a man believe in salvation assurance with such beliefs? Totally impossible. For me, the Lord was cruel; demanding a lot of things that I would never accomplish.
After a lot of deception with the preaching of a pastor, I moved to another church and met Dan.
At first, Dan seemed to be very stable, happy, intelligent and above all, he was the best Bible "scholar" I had ever met. I say "scholar", in quotes. because he was not really a scholar, but he was almost one as he was attending a seminary and knew many and many thinkers. He liked Augustine and he was reading many of his books.  He seemed eager to extract the proper meaning whenever the Bible was read from Hebrew or Greek. It was a great pleasure to get knowledge from Dan.
At that time, the pastor in this new nikkei church designated me to preach at the fifth of some Month (around 4 sermons in a year). In retrospect, I can't believe that the pastor called someone with lack of salvation assurance to preach. However, I remember I was always trying to be very faithful to the Word in my sermons (and the Word is also arminian in my opinion).
Dan made me study one discipline in a seminary: Methods to Bible Study. He used his car and "carried" me to the first class that was far away from Sao Paulo. Meanwhile, I was bombarding him about salvation assurance questions because it was a great lie to me. I couldn't read anywhere in the Bible that the saints have eternal life assurance. As the Lord had to respect men's free will, how someone would have eternal life assurance? He asked me: "Why do you believe in free will? There is no free will.". He also gave me the book "The God Sovereignty" from A Pynk which opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. In fact, in the absence of free will, finally, I could have salvation assurance.
I didn't reflect so much on the question: "Am I an elect?"  because, I had to be, or I had to have faith. The other option was so terrible that I couldn't even think about it. In fact, I remember, it was like a great relief to believe on it: a heavy burden was taken off my shoulders. Finally, I could breath with the Sovereign Lord who would lead me to the eternal life, next to Him. What a glory! What a joy! What a new life in Jesus! I could claim and proclaim victory in Jesus. And certainly I had a change of mind. I began to preach in a very different way, to see my spouse and children differently. I began to see a beautiful world, full of God's compassion specially to me, a sinner but much more than a sinner, a believer.
Dan was an instrument of the Lord, he was used so that I had my eyes opened. Finally: "I was blind, but now I see". Thus, I was very grateful to Dan.
However, the Lord writes a story full of ironies.
Dan began to press me very much to be a much better Sunday School teacher. He was always showing me a lot of references that I had to read before class. I was always saying to him: "Why don't you take care of the class? You are much more qualified than me."
I began to suspect that Dan was in fact some kind of irresponsible guy that liked to coordinate others, as a hidden boss. He told me I could ask anything to him in order to prepare Sunday School classes. So I began to ask him a lot of questions about the Philippians by email. I noticed he was not very eager to discuss or answer the questions. How come? What was happening to my reformed friend? It was not logical...
Finally, one day, he sent me an email where he was very angry with me. What?! I couldn't understand the motives; but it hurted me profoundly. I had lost my friend, some kind of light in a dark world.
He was also preaching in our little church, but after a few sermons (perhaps 2 months), he gave up preaching. He even abandoned our church.
What a deception!
Perhaps, due to our friendship, Dan decided to reconcile with me, but his words were not very convincing. I couldn't feel remorse. Anyway, he confessed me he had to leave the pulpit due to sin. I couldn't see any Lord's devotion or any Lord's guidance or even any life of prayer in him. So sad. At least, he seemed coherent to leave the pulpit. I really hate false pastors, false teachers, hypocrites in the church.
I met Dan many times after that, but it seemed that his light, his devotion and faith had been lost. I even traveled with him for a month (me, my wife, he and a friend). I couldn't talk to him about Jesus. He was almost like any other mundane guy. I began to see him as a great impostor and even worse, as psychopath. Perhaps, all human being has a psychopath side, but he is really closer, I guess. He can talk very friendly and openly. But even so, his heart is hidden I daresay, even to himself. He may move in darkness. After travelling with him, I was amazed. He was not only very intelligent, but he was also very charismatic. I saw how easily he made contact with anyone, and how easily he could be "loved" (adored?). So, it was like I had met an angel which turned into a demon because his inner soul was always hidden from anyone. He could very easily manipulate anyone in his own favor. It seemed to me that he had some dark power... that he was a psychopath.
And I met Dan other times too.
I could see that he couldn't control his emotions very well. I think that despite everything, I got some trust in Dan'eyes. I saw myself as a kind of privileged guy that could see Dan's dark side. Despite his jokes against me, at the bottom of his heart, he must had taken me seriously when I talk about Jesus, the Bible, the Truth.
I met him yesterday.
I talked a lot with him and it was a great pleasure to me.
It was some kind of reconciliation after a lot of discussions.
Perhaps I changed my mind again about him. Is he really the psycho I previously thought? Perhaps, there still hope to Dan, some search to the Lord in his wicked heart (arminian) or some calling from the Lord (calvinist).
The big irony is that the Lord exalts a humble man even though he can't read Hebrew or Greek, even though, I daresay, he is reformed or not. The big irony is that people that are much closer to heaven's kingdom will be left behind by others with lower intelligence and seminary preparation because the Lord pours his Spirit in whom he wishes. The Lord is really sovereign and reigns.  He may use whoever he wishes in his work. Let Him use me. Let Him use Dan, too. I hope Dan turns his eyes to Jesus and receives a clear mind.

The parable of the older son

My sunday school class was asked to prepare something to dad's day on August. I really hate the time wasted on this human made commemorative days but my church leaders seem to think the opposite. Anyway, I decided to tell the parable of the prodigal son focusing the older son.
A lot of people in church behaves as the older son. I was no different. I will try to make them understand the Lord's love through this parable mixed with my testimony.
The attendants at church don't seem to have a new life full of joy and peace from the Lord.
I suppose they are like I was. I seemed to carry a heavy burden imposed by a cruel God. A god that requires a lot of things that I was not designed to do, a god that is never pleased and demands the impossible. A god that is always ready to put anyone in hell.
In the parable, the older son was always trying to please his demanding father in order to get some favor from him, but he couldn't notice any affection from him. However, his father showed a lot of affection to the irresponsible prodigal son. How could this happen? Totally unfair.
I, as an older son, couldn't understand beautiful testimonies about a great sinner who had a new life in Jesus. How couldn't I notice the Lord's love? I should as I was always trying to obey the Lord since my childhood. Should I waste my money with prostitutes and repent in order to have a grasp of the Lord's love? Is God really good? He demands a lot of things from me but He seems to be much more satisfied with other greater sinners than me... totally illogical.
However, one day I got it:
- my Heavenly Father went to talk directly to me and called me son. He said: "you must be on the party of the Lamb's wedding. You are going to the party because I want so. Rejoice in me and stop trusting in your good works.". His command is getting clear and clear. The Lord has been changing my heart and certainly, the Lamb's wedding party has already began to me.

parents

My parents are old, dad 81, mommy 84.
Dad had a hard childhood. His mother separated from her husband, she married again and this new husband mistreated dad, and then his mother separated again. Worse than that. Her first husband was a gaijin (a non japanese, a non nikkei jin), but dad was raised in a nikkei community so he must have faced a lot of hostility from this nikkei community, inclusive from his own relatives. Still worse, he was born during second war and there was a big hostility between brazilians and nikkeis and he must had a lot of problems from the brazilian side as well.
He worked in the auto industry as a toolmaker which is very unstable. Mommy worked for a public bank and had much more instruction, but dad decided to support the whole family without mommy's aid, and she left her job.
He has been a penny pinching all his hard life. I am a penny pinching thanks dad. I had to be: dad would discipline me for a light shining in a empty room, and many other small things.
I think that despite many problems, his life conduct worked reasonably well. He raised his children, they studied, married and now he has no financial problems. However, he is not able to spend anything with him and mommy. It was a whole life devoted to penny pinching. I am afraid that he will not be able to take his own money and use it in his own or mommy's benefit.
Mommy is with Alzheimer and a broken arm.
After this broken arm, she is continually lied in bed although it was not necessary. It had to be so due to the stairs in the house and she can't go to the kitchen. This lead to bedsores. Another problem: she can't control her urine or defecation; so she needs diapers. But diapers must be always changed and dad doesn't take care of her hygiene very well. I am afraid the bedsores can evolve to a much worse sore.
I and my sister agrees on moving parents to a nursing home; but dad doesn't want to hear anything about that. He would see it as a betrayal from his children.
My younger brother and spouse lives and supports (taking care of) my parents, however, dad pretends to be very careful to mother whenever he want to exercise his authority; but he delegates this mommy's care whenever it will give him a lot of problems. In this scenario, my sister in law can't help as she should help. For example: dad says he will feed mother, but he does in a very inappropriately way. I suppose that my sister in law would feed mother with much more responsibility. Despite that, both: brother and sister in law agrees on not moving my parents to a nursing home. They say that just talking about such subject would hurt dad.
Anyway, I think that dad must use his own money to be with mommy in a nursing home. I don't need or want inheritance. I really want that they have a more dignifying life end.
Dad has been a penny pinching all his life. It is time to spend some money for his and mother's sake. It is time to change habits, but it is not easy to change anything for an old man.
Tomorrow is Saturday. I will visit my parents. I would like to recommend dad to go to a nursing home with mommy. I think that he will get angry.
As my brother said: I have to pray about it.
---
Today is saturday. We didn't told anything about moving to a nursing home because dad is now under treatment for his strange music that is over and over on his head. Yesterday, 6, my sister drove dad and mummy to the doctor. Let us wait for the medicine improve dad's situation before talking about the nursing home.

What would I like to do before dying?

The rich in hell, who despised Lazarus, asked Abraham to come back to life in order to advise his loved ones how to live and escape a tormented life in hell.
I would like to:

• conquer souls to Jesus. 
• live praising the Lord, day by day. For instance, singing.
• pray more; I am not praying as I should.
• create a company that improves the world in which we live; as a gardener.
• observe Lord's creation
• be closed to my family - have good ties, good relationship, love, respect.
• have one or more friends (outside my family) that are a brother in Jesus. Perhaps, I would find a friend like that outside our little church, perhaps in a seminary.
• keep a healthy body: healthful food, exercise.
• read the Bible as it must be read; but we have always some bias. I would like to be more and more sure that the way I am reading the Bible is getting closer to what the Lord wants to teach me.
• be more and more like Jesus. I need to be more generous (I am not), be more merciful, love more, praise more, pray more. I have to understand the Lord more, to know him more, to be full of the Spirit, to receive the Spirit's power, to have more intimacy with the Lord (as Paul prayed in the Philippians favor)

Many of these tasks must be performed day by day. I don't need to be happy in the future; I must be happy now, with the Lord. All these things can be achieved with the resources the Lord has already provided; I don't need more money to pray and praise the Lord. So, why do I keep on staring so much to richness? It's illogical.

wife

My wife, daughter and daughter's friend are traveling to Canada, to learn English.
Today begins a period without wife and daughter. Perhaps, it is time to reflect about the difference that my wife makes in my life.

strange music

I visited my parents yesterday. Mommy is with a broken arm, Alzheimer, and can't go to the kitchen due his lack of equilibrium and the kitchen is downstairs. Poor mommy!

Dad keeps on listening to an evil music that is on his head. He thinks that this music is orchestrated by many evil people that know his steps and my steps too, because I'm always in this song.  He told my sister in law about it, asking if she could listen to it. She couldn't.

My paranoid dad understood that she is some kind of evil spy taking information from his house to the great conspiracy against he and me; she bent my brother to the evil side; etc. What a crazy thought!

I tried to tell him that it was all in his head, but then I decided to participate in his story. I told him that their enemies could hire a sniper to kill me or kill him; that my sister in law could easily poison him, etc. (so many ways to kill). I asked him: - if this huge, evil, powerful group wants to kill him, why are they taking so long time? I tried to make him notice the fallacy of his own story.

I urged him to think like that:
- they are articulating my fall, but the Lord is my shield. He is strong and he can bear all evil against me. 
I really would like that he lifted his eyes to look Jesus. 

Lord, help dad because he can't help himself.

Besides the spiritual side, my wife considered that dad should walk and drink water. I will try to help him in this aspect next Saturday.