Sao Paulo

Sao Paulo is the largest city in South America. Today I took this photo when coming back home:

10 years before, I used to say: Why do I live here? People are selfish and rude. The traffic jam is horrible. Sao Paulo is a dangerous city. We have a lot of polluted air. In every summer, a lot of trees fall over the electricity wires, interrupting the energy supply. 

10 years ago there was a disco nearby. It was very common that I could not sleep from Thursday to Sunday due to the noise - there was a lot of cars honking at night. Many drunks used to pee on our sidewalk. The sidewalk is a place to the neighborhood take their dogs to shit. A tree is at the corner of our house. A very good place to the dogs! Besides, Brazilians are used to think that a tree is place for littering. Poor of me that have to face garbage in the corner of the house almost everyday.

10 years ago, a neighbor decided to be nice with the carters: poor people that are paid to remove someone' s litter to the sidewalk of another one. He was selling food and began to give the leftovers to the carters. The carters decided to rest under the tree in the corner of our home, everyday. My children had to go to school, but it was very difficult to deal with this situation. One cover from our mailbox was stolen - perhaps by some carter. Besides, it was common to the carters left garbage in our sidewalk. 

Today things are different:

• the disco has closed. A lot of noise is over now.
• I go by bicycle everyday. No more traffic jam to me.
• the neighbor moved (not far away) but stopped with his gentleness, thus, it is much more difficult to see carters resting under the tree after the meal.

Today I am different:

I complain much less than before. 10 years ago, I was complaining about everything. Today I am much more happy. I rest in Jesus. Thanks Jesus things are much better now.

What is left at the end of the day?

When leaving the work, I met a former student who was very excited rebuilding a computer that was developed in our school in 1971. Although he must be born in the 1990's, he was very glad to recover some glory from a long time ago when our school was creating some kind of Brazilian technology. 

Minutes later, I took this photo above Pinheiros river when coming back:

what made me ask: what is left at the end of those days when some professors were very proud creating a new thing? There are some dissertations in the library that nobody is reading today. I told to the former student that a project that began in our school around 1975 finished around 1990 just because the manager decided to focus on what was essential to make it work, abandoning a lot of implementations that would be used to write thesis. Thus, what is left at the end of some decades of work? Almost nothing. The main question however is what will be left at the end of my life? I am really afraid that even this blog will be useless. Now I understand that only what I offer to the Lord will be kept at the end of my life.

How much do you pay for the chance to listen bad news?

Today I paid R$180,00 for the chance to listen bad news. It is time for my annual check up. The doctor asked many routine exams. I am a little concerned about glucose and uric acid levels because they were a little high last year. Glucose was around 100 and uric acid was around 7.5.  The idea is to change habits before getting into diabetes or gout.


How much do I pay to know whether I am pleasing the Lord? Everyday I read a chapter of the Bible. Today I read about the sin of Achan in Joshua 7. After defeating Jericho, Israel was very confident that they would defeat a small city, Ai. But, they had to flee from them because one man - Achan - took things that he should not. Obviously for a Bible reader, a christian should not play with sin as a guy that does not play with his health.

Arrogance

Yesterday I watched the movie: The Big Short. It is about the 2008 financial crisis, more specifically, about betting against (shortening) the market.

It reminded my pursuit of financial independence. My history began in this way:

Around 2001, my ex boss knew I had enrolled to a contest for a professor job in another faculty and was reproved.  I did not comment to anyone what had happened but somehow he was told about it. At that time, I had to renew my contract with the faculty, and he publicly told it to other professors in order to prevent my renewal. 

In a such displeasing situation, I talked about what was happening to a friend. He appointed some books to read. One of the them was "Poor dad, rich dad". I was glad to discover that if I were smart enough I could live with no work. It was just a matter of taking decisions in life, of escaping the rat race. A smart guy would accumulate wealth by making the money working for him and not the other way around. 

Thus, I decided to buy common shares. As the investment worked well, I decided to move almost all my money to the stock market in 2002 as the ibovespa (the brazilian stock market index) was falling. I hit in full. Bingo!

It seemed to me that I really could escape the rat race, and around 2005 I was about to take control of my life! I mean, I was about to ask for dismissal. All my children were babies. 

The plan was to ask it to the new boss (not the same of 2001) on some Monday of 2005, but the day before, on Sunday, I was at the church. Somehow I talked to the pastor and he persuaded not to take that silly decision. 

I am really glad that today I am still in the same job. In 2008, as the market was sharply falling I paralyzed thinking that I was a real long term investor and after a few months I had a fraction of what I had before. The film "big short" was for me some kind of explanation to what had happened at that moment. 

By my side, I was really arrogant in 2005: I thought to be very smart, to have my future in my hands. I was the one who was financially independent and I was not obligated to bow to anyone. At that time I said: I have never intended to be a teacher. It was by accident. I hate my job. I do not why I have to endure so much coarseness from the students. I have to take control of my life!

In fact, I was really the great dumb who could not see anything ahead.

I really do not know why my Lord loves so much. He took care of me in 2005 preventing me to leave my job, and although I was really hurt in 2008, somehow the Lord took care of me.

Today, I would laugh of books like "poor dad, rich dad". Today I do not think about being financially independent. I learned that the Lord is the great boss: he gives and takes away whenever he decides to do so. And again, I do not know why He loves me and sustains me.

Birdman - film

I have just watched the movie Birdman from 2014, winner of the best picture Oscar.



At around 39 minutes of the film, we see a dialogue between a father F and her daughter D, arguing about why the father wants so much to direct a Broadway play.

f -  I'm trying to do
something important!
d - This is not important!
f - It's important to me! Maybe not to you or your cynical friends whose only ambition
is to "go viral" .but to me... God, this is my career! It's my chance to finally do work that means something.

d - That means something to who?

You had a career, Dad, before the third comic book movie.

Before people started to forget who was inside that bird costume.

You are doing a play based on a book written 60 years ago... for a thousand rich old white people... whose only concern is where to have cake and coffee afterwards!

Nobody gives a shit but you!

And, let's face it, Dad...you are not doing this for the sake of art, you're doing it to

feel relevant again.

Well, guess what? There's an entire world of people who fight to be relevant every single day!

And you act like it doesn't exist.

The book "counterfeit gods" from Tim Keller talks about what people do to have success. To some, success is their god who asks for its sacrifice.
Her father will get his name, his identity, by the success of this play. The stress is so much that he is becoming crazier and crazier as the movie goes on. In fact, he literally looses his life on it, just as a nuts man that goes to hell.
It is so easy to loose a life, that David asked to the Lord:

Search me, O God, and know my heart!
    Try me and know my thoughts![
24 And see if there be any grievous way in me,
    and lead me in the way everlasting!

Family

Today is Saturday. I have 3 children: Kyomi (daughter, older), Ken (son) and Juji (son, younger).  They are very different from each other. Kyomi is a teenager, Ken is almost a teen, and Juji is still a child. I would like to be a great father to all three, but unfortunately I am not. It seems to me that Kyomi is always declaring war against me. Perhaps trying to rebel with no reason. I can not remember acting like that against my parents. It is very hard to talk to her. As I am a little tired of seeing her angry for no reason, nowadays I even do not try to talk to her. I am not sure whether I am right or wrong. Perhaps I am like an ostrich ignoring problems that I should not ignore. 

Ken is much more friendly and talkative. Today I walked with him alone. I said that time goes very fast and soon it will pass 10 years. He must be almost graduating. I told him that each day is not so much different from another day as we follow a routine. If our routine, our habits,  were good, we will progress in life and otherwise, bad habits will lead to a destroyed life. Thus, we must always check our routine: Does it make sense what am I doing?

Juji is a child that is very lazy in thinking. I feel sorry for him: Thinking is one of the most important things to me. He just shows interest in video games and nothing else, not even scores in school. I can not see myself wasting time in games

Anyway, Saturday is ending and I programmed myself to spend some time with my family, otherwise, it seems that I will loose my children.

Hate

Whenever a guy that works in the school where I teach (but I do not know him) enters the restroom and notice my presence, he begins to whisper. At first, it annoyed me. By my side, whenever I see him using the restroom when I enter, I just leave it and search for another one. Now this feeling is evolving to anger. I began to whisper when he comes, perhaps in a revenge. Today, when I was leaving the restroom, I had to slip away to not bump into him. For me, the one who is leaving has the priority. Thus, again, he lifted my anger.

Am I right to feel this way?

The Lord knows my inside much more than I know myself.

I am a little disappointed with myself because I thought I had my anger against others under control.

I realize that I must repent, pray for this guy, ask for the Lord protection and believe that He is by my side, forgiving me, and repairing my heart. Why do I have to make it for such guy? Because, the most important command is to love the Lord above everything, and this command is the key for having a heart repair.

Blessed

A brother from the church (aided by 2 other guys) are making the roof repair in our home. We had many problems due to two trees very next to our house that throw a lot of leaves in the gutter. Thus, I asked for a project to cover the gutter. He thought carefully for some time and yesterday the repair began, but the roof stayed uncovered at night.


Here, in our home, we had a very slight rain that did not harm anything. However, it rained a lot in other places. The people working here thought that we suffered many damages as we have been suffering before the repair. Our maid that went back home took rain. My wife that was leaving her job took rain.

I am always feeling that the Lord loves me and blesses me. 

Threat

Today my coworker was talking about a change in law to teachers. A teacher in a public university works for the government and it is a stable job. But it is wishful to turn it in an unstable job.

As I am not publishing papers in the scientific community, it is a threat to me.

It makes me remember of the old days when I was in the private sector with its ups and downs. 

What can I do?

It is interesting to have more than one source of income. Another thing is to see the past and consider how the Lord created me as in Psalm 139:

Oh yes, you shaped me first inside, then out;
    you formed me in my mother’s womb.
I thank you, High God—you’re breathtaking!
    Body and soul, I am marvelously made!
    I worship in adoration—what a creation!
You know me inside and out,
    you know every bone in my body;
You know exactly how I was made, bit by bit,
    how I was sculpted from nothing into something.
Like an open book, you watched me grow from conception to birth;
    all the stages of my life were spread out before you,
The days of my life all prepared
    before I’d even lived one day.

When I look the Lord, who miraculously created me, the threat really seems small. It is only a job! My Lord will stay by my side!

Guidance

As a teacher, I propose projects to groups of students.

Most of them are brand new, thus there is no answer in internet.

These projects consist of discovering how the computer works, mainly by displaying some inside information, the target information.

Some groups face a project as a great challenge. Once they find the target information, they try very hard to understand what is going on and they themselves propose some hypothesis and check them.

Others groups see a project as another homework, an obligation to get approved in my class. Some students of this group test my knowledge: teacher, where is the target information? They want to get good scores, even in case of failure when they realize I can not provide an answer to its location. They will say: impossible to accomplish! The teacher is a bad teacher that proposes things beyond his own capabilities!
By the other hand, some good groups will face similar problems and they will dialogue with me trying to change the target information to a similar one or make a slight modification of its project statement. They do not easily give up!

As a teacher, I enjoy very much to see students eager to discover new things.

I feel myself as a guidance provider to my students because I open a way for a group to follow.

In Psalm 139, we read:

See for yourself whether I’ve done anything wrong—
    then guide me on the road to eternal life.

The psalmist asks for guidance from the Lord. He must be as a student that is glad when discovering new things.  He does the right things because he loves it. This is how I must behave: ask guidance to the Lord to keep me in the road to eternal life, even when I face problems, by the other hand, I must not behave as a student that just wants to get approved doing the minimum necessary because he really abhors the assignment.

Who am I?

I sadly remember when I was 20 to 30 years old and I asked myself:
- Is there someone who is really my friend?
- Why do people seems to avoid me?
- Do I have some problem that others see and I do not?
Thanks Jesus, I do not even stop now to ask such things. When I was younger I certainly did not know who I was and it bothered me a lot. Perhaps the great problem I was facing was loneliness.




We read in psalm 139:

1 You have searched me, Lord,
    and you know me.
² You know when I sit and when I rise;
    you perceive my thoughts from afar.
³ You discern my going out and my lying down;
    you are familiar with all my ways.
⁴ Before a word is on my tongue
    you, Lord, know it completely

Does David ask who is he? No, and it is not the right question. David can rest in the Lord because He knows him. Thanks the Lord that today I am more aligned to this thought.
Well, things are better to me now - I have a spouse, children and friends, but now I hate when I catch myself thinking  whether I left a good impression on my students. Is it so important? A good teacher is the one who teaches, not the one who seeks to be loved.
Today I really abhor such egoistic thoughts.
So, I prefer to think as David: You Lord knows me much better than I know me. This brings rest to my heart. Certainly, our dear Lord is taking care of me.

My hard life

I am always asking to our maid that aids to grow our children:
- how hard is my life! Why do I suffer so much? Do you have pity on me?
She replies: I have much more pity on myself!
me: Oh, please, do not be so selfish, have pity on me...

Of course, she has a harder life than mine. I am always complaining but as a joke, because in fact, I and everybody next to me think that I have a good life. Inf fact, I ride my bicycle to work, do not work so much, appreciate the sun rising and setting when going and returning from work, have dinner with my children. What more can I expect from life?
My nephew of 3 years old listens to everything the adults talk.
Today, when visiting him, by brother told me that he said: How hard is my life!
Very funny for a 3 years old guy.
Well, life is not so hard; but it seemed very hard to me 8 years ago.
Jesus helps me to see life in a much lighter way. He is very merciful to me.

Humbled

I teach a computer related subject.

I have some intuition about how the machine works and I propose some projects to my students, mainly to open and see the computer working inside.  I like to propose things that I have never tried before. The problem is that my intuition may fail and there may be some flaw inside the proposal.

Today a student catch this kind of flaw and indirectly, rebuked my method of teaching publicly in his presentation of the project.

Well, I applauded him at the end. He was very good in his lecture, although I was humbled.

I have some kind of philosophy: anyone who prevents to show his foolishness is a greater fool.

Let us suppose that I value respect from my students. One way to be respected and lazy at the same time, is to be an expert in a subject and teach it year after year. But this approach does not work well for computer subjects.

The one who seeks his own glory is not well seen in the Lord's eyes. 

All the gospels pictures the disciples of Jesus as humans with their sins: some are cowards, some are selfishly seeking higher position, etc. Interestingly the gospels were written by disciples or their friends and they picture themselves as sinners.

I have the freedom to let me be humbled. 

Authority

I teach in a public university. Every year there are strikes by a small number of people that pretend to represent the interests of professors and employees. In almost every year, the faculty where I teach do not adhere the movement, me included.

Now, this year, some faculties have paralyzed their activities, but mine does not, as usual.
Today, Thursday, the students in our faculty decided to stop for one day to discuss the directions of the graduation course and they asked support to the teachers, i.e., they asked suspension of classes for one day. So, on Tuesday, they came to me and asked: Are you teaching on Thursday? I said yes.
Today I was talking to some of them and I was asked if I had received an email from the representative of the students about the break in classes. I told yes, but I I do not see him as an authority over me. They told me that the students are not very organized and they asked me if things were different in case of a request from my boss to support the students. I replied: of course.
I see my actions bounded by the authorities over me. I do not see myself as a rebel - someone who thinks that has control over hist own life and has freedom to make his choices.
Most Hollywood movies has some romantic view of a rebel - the one who is brave enough to go against the system and fights for some higher morale. The problem is that the rebel in the movies can not define what is the higher morale, the higher principles. Who has defined the higher principles? His family? A lot of movies encourages insubordination to parents.
I submit to a hierarchy of authorities. God is the supreme authority, any decision that goes against Him is called sin. My boss is a lower authority and I have to submit to him. I can not see a student representative as an authority to decide whether I teach today or not.
Not in biblical terms, but reflecting some reality in my life, my wife sadly saying has some authority over me. That is: I can not mix two principles: 1) living with my wife till someone dies and 2) the husband is the head over his wife. It should be both, but for me it is one or the other.

Obsessive–compulsive disorder

A person with obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD) is very prone to healthy habits, such as wash hands, but in a irrational frequence. A professor that shares my room is OCD. I seat next to the window but he has no windows. We know that closed windows are bad to health, mainly when someone has some virus or bacteria. Yesterday he was very bad, coughing a lot, but it was also very cold. 

We do not have conditioning air for warming the room. As I sit next to the window, I noticed that the air outside was hotter than inside. I told him that it would be a good idea to open the windows and doors to let a hotter air come in, but he refused.

Why?

Because nobody wants to be in a closed room with a sick guy. Thus, he thought I was just being selfish - opening the window for my sake, harming him with a cold air.  Anyway, I left the room because I had to teach.

Later, when I was leaving the job, he told me to close the windows. Amazingly all the windows were opened because he did it in my absence.

I was surprised to his change of mind. 

He told me that he was not trusting me, but when he walked outside, he noticed I was telling the truth. He concluded I was being selfishly generous.

I concluded that he was seeing himself in me that is,  he thought I was acting in a similar way he could do.

Isn't normal to look ourselves in others? Certainly we may misjudge others due to our dirty eyes.

Was it really a choice?

I am reading the Bible, chapter by chapter, for many years.

Today was Deuteronomy 31.

16 And the Lord said to Moses, “Behold, you are about to lie down with your fathers. Then this people will rise and whore after the foreign gods among them in the land that they are entering, and they will forsake me and break my covenant that I have made with them. 17 Then my anger will be kindled against them in that day, and I will forsake them and hide my face from them, and they will be devoured. And many evils and troubles will come upon them, so that they will say in that day,‘Have not these evils come upon us because our God is not among us?’ 18 And I will surely hide my face in that day because of all the evil that they have done, because they have turned to other gods.

In chapter 30, it seemed blessings and cursings was according to the obedience of Israel but now in chapter 31, God knows that Israel is forsaking him before it happens. 



Thus, was it really a choice to Israel? As in Psalm 139, all my days were written before I was born. 

You are reading this text, right?! Was it by chance or was it written by God? Not so many years ago, I was inclined to think that everything occurred by chance; perhaps even worse, I was prone to say that someone maliciously made something to put me down. For instance, when driving a car, I was looking all the others as my enemies. I could see enemies everywhere: my students, other professors, etc. Certainly, it was a not friendly world of view.

Today, it is different: my choices and the choices of others were not by accident, even the bad choices, even the sins. I still see many people behaving maliciously (as I see myself in a similar way) but I consider that everything is under God's control.  This thought relieves me from thinking too much about revenge. This thought makes me pray more: how should I behave in this situation, Sir?

Live forever and prosper

Yesterday I told you about Mr. Spok and a connection to Deuteronomy 30. Here we read the final worlds of Moses right before he dyes. He conducted Israel to the promised land and he is at the east side of Jordan river near Jericho. The Lord told him that he is not entering the land but he loves the Lord and he loves Israel and he really wants to see Israel walking faithfully with the Lord. That is what is written:

And when all these things come upon you, the blessing and the curse, which I have set before you, and you call them to mind among all the nations where theLord your God has driven you, 2 and return to the Lord your God, you and your children, and obey his voice in all that I command you today, with all your heart and with all your soul, 3 then the Lord your God will restore your fortunes and have mercy on you, and he will gather you again from all the peoples where the Lord your God has scattered you. 4 If your outcasts are in the uttermost parts of heaven, from there the Lord your God will gather you, and from there he will take you. 5 And the Lord your God will bring you into the land that your fathers possessed, that you may possess it. And he will make you more prosperous and numerous than your fathers. 6 And the Lord your God will circumcise your heart and the heart of your offspring, so that you will love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul, that you may live. 7 And the Lord your God will put all these curses on your foes and enemies who persecuted you. 8 And you shall again obey the voice of the Lord and keep all his commandments that I command you today. 9 The Lord your God will make you abundantly prosperous in all the work of your hand, in the fruit of your womb and in the fruit of your cattle and in the fruit of your ground. For the Lord will again take delight in prospering you, as he took delight in your fathers,10 when you obey the voice of the Lord your God, to keep his commandments and his statutes that are written in this Book of the Law, when you turn to the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul.

God will take delight in prospering Israel when it repents and returns to the Lord. So, first we see PROSPER.

The chapter 30 finishes as:

17 But if your heart turns away, and you will not hear, but are drawn away to worship other gods and serve them, 18 I declare to you today, that you shall surely perish. You shall not live long in the land that you are going over the Jordan to enter and possess. 19 I call heaven and earth to witness against you today, that I have set before you life and death, blessing and curse. Therefore choose life, that you and your offspring may live, 20 loving the Lord your God, obeying his voice and holding fast to him, for he is your life and length of days, that you may dwell in the land that the Lord swore to your fathers, to Abraham, to Isaac, and to Jacob, to give them.

Now, we see LIVE LONG. The Lord is the life and length of days, If Israel loves his God and obeys his voice.

I think that Spok was wishing the results of a life with the Lord based on Deuteronomy 30.

As a redeemed by Jesus, I also see this blessings to me, somehow as:

Live forever and prosper.

because I boldly say that my heart is circumcised by the Lord so that I love the Lord with all my heart and all my soul.

Let this blessing be upon you too.

God is writing this day

Today is very cold. Now it is 10 Celsius but it feels as 8 C. 

We have a lot of traffic jams here, so I decided to go by bicycle everyday to the work.

I teach computer stuff in a university 9 Km far home. It is normally very fun to save gas, car's insurance and even a gym when riding a bicycle, but in a cold day such as today, it is terrible; at least in the very first few minutes.

I must confess a sin: I do not work very much.

Now I have classes on Tuesday for 1:40H, Thursday all day long and Friday for 1:40H. Not so much. As a professor I am supposed to be researching and publishing papers. That is what I try to do. Today, for instance, I tried to create a classifier using logistic regression. Unfortunately I am not publishing for many years.

Perhaps I try to work hard, but I am not showing results.

Well, around 17:00 I left the work, got back home, took a shower and had a dinner with my 3 kids while my wife is still working. She arrives later between 20:30H and 21:00H.

After dinner, I have to wash the dishes because my wife is always complaining that I do not do anything to help our family; so she created this job to me. I can not complain as she takes the children to school everyday, takes care of the supermarket and usual purchases, and many other things. As I said to her when she was sleeping in the morning: wake up because our home is dead and must come back to life; as in the resurrection of Lazarus.

Now after my usual chores, finally I am resting at the bed writing this blog.

It is strange to think that I am writing what God wrote before I was born. God knew how was my day today. God knows my difficulties in writing papers, how stagnated I am in my job, and even the temperature now. 

Do you remember Star Trek and Spok saying: "live long and prosper"? 

Leonard Nimoy (the author) was Jude and took it from some rabbi. Today I read Deuteronomy 30 which says similar things if the redeemed obeys the Lord.

Publishing papers is not the main reason to live but I believe that as long as the Lord keeps me in university, He wants me to perform what my boss expects me to do: publish papers. I believe that I should be like Joseph in the prison. Well, I told you: as long as you know me you will not think that I am light in the world. But somehow I believe that the Lord sustains me now.

Some years ago, the thought of lacking papers was a  burden to me. I was always complaining and assigning the responsibility of my failures to the system, the school, etc. It just made me paralyze - no research and no papers. Today, it is not a big shame to me. Did God really wrote my failures before? He knows everything inclusive how to make me publish papers.  As a redeemed, the best I can do is to rest in the Lord and eat the bread that was given me today. I mean, do what I have to do today. I really can not control many things, but for today I could at least study a little of logistic regression. You see... perhaps not a great thing to my boss, but at least I am not paralyzed blaming the world. Perhaps it is indeed a great thing to the Boss.

Mitsuo in a mission

Who am I? I am a Brazilian, a Japanese descendant - third generation. My pseudo name is Mitsuo. I have always lived here in Brazil, Sao Paulo - SP. There was a japanese cartoon called Super Dinamo around 40 years ago. Sometimes, SuperDinamo had to go out in mission to save the world, but he also had a normal life as Mitsuo. I will call myself Mitsuo and I have a mission - to be light and salt of the world. At first, it is indeed an impossible mission because as I begin to reveal myself to you, you will not think so much of me neither as light nor as salt. For instance, I wrote this blog in my job - I confess I did it in the dark, away from my boss. Next time, I will write at home.

Psalm 139

We read in Psalm 139:



13 For you formed my inward parts;
    you knitted me together in my mother's womb.
¹⁴ I praise you, for I am fearfully and wonderfully made.^[a]
Wonderful are your works;
    my soul knows it very well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you,
when I was being made in secret,
    intricately woven in the depths of the earth.
¹⁶ Your eyes saw my unformed substance;
in your book were written, every one of them,
    the days that were formed for me,
    when as yet there was none of them.



I have just watched the movie "American Splendor" that shows the life of Harvey Pekar and I thought: why not create a blog about my life? He knew how to tell his life as a series of comic books.



It reminded me when I was 12 years old. I enjoyed drawing comic books of just one square. At this time, I had some kind of wisdom in enjoying life that I lost during many decades. Now, I am 53 years old and coming back to a happy life. It seemed to me that Harvey Pekar did not try to take a very beautiful picture of himself; by the opposite, he seemed very sincere and perhaps, he degraded himself. I do not know what made him share his life and even pay to print his own comic books ... was it money? I do not think so. Even when he became famous, he did not quit his humble job. I think that it was some kind of treating himself without going to a psychologist. 

My motivation to write this blog is to help you think about Jesus, but in a different way. Is it really true that Jesus transform lives?That was my big question through many decades: I read and read the Bible but sincerely I could not say I had a joyful life, peace in my heart and that I had some secret to spread to the world. Ok, pastors always told me to share my faith and I had tried without so much success. This blog is a new way to share my faith, but this time is a little different because now I discovered the secret: even when I sin, I can rest in Jesus, I return to my Redeemer faithfully that He will not desert me. Now I can think as David said: all my days were written, even my sinful days. And this is wonderful to me: Jesus accepts me as I am, with my doubts and sins included. If it is common to the believers to have doubts about Jesus transforming his lives as I had for a long time, I think that I can help them to think about Jesus sharing my life in a similar way as Harvey Pekar shared his life - in a very open way.