father as a widower

Father were used to talk to mommy even when she could not talk anything due to Alzheimer. He couldn't see her as a sick person. When she began to deteriorate, he blamed us to take her to the doctor, and have become ill due to the treatment.
She died in a nursing home. They attached her to a wheelchair to prevent that she would walk, fall and break a bone. My father was upset. He blamed the nursing home of blocking mommy and turning her much more dependent of the facilities, so that she couldn't return home.
He tried many times to go there and "save" her from that place, but, I think, that he was aware that he would have to take properly care of her: feeding, changing diapers, cleaning, etc., so he gave up the idea.
When mother died, I thought dad would blame us that we killed her, taking her to the nursing home, but he didn't.
I think that his schizophrenia worsened. He is sure that he sold his house for a fortune for the president's son and someone (sometime, I) must give him the money.
Today at 5:30H AM he woke up my brother saying that someone was calling him (or my brother).
He must take a medicine, but he is quite sure that it will bring him a lot of problems, so he doesn't want to take any medicine.
I teach in a university. I have always thought that the number of "nuts" there is very high; and that my father with his low schooling was much more sane, with much more good sense than a lot of professors that seek their own glory. But today, I see my father as a crazy man who needs help.
Let Jesus take care of him.

the life worth living

Mommy's death was very painful to me. I stayed a week at home asking myself: what is the life worth living?
Should I abandon my job and pursue something greater?
I will stay at my job, and in fact, perhaps my life will not change very much; but, I have to learn to live to a greater mission than pleasing myself. Some mission beyond searching for my own well being.
I have a strong tendency of living as the barn man in Luke 12.

16 And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. 17 He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

18 “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

So, I have to be rich toward God. I have to live to please the Lord and not myself.
And then, I could ask: what pleases the Lord?
Some people would say: pray a lot, read the Bible, help the poor, be merciful, etc. However, I am very sure, that this is not the answer because I would, everyday, ask myself: "Sir, I am not sure if you are pleased with me today. What else should I do? " .
The answer must be Jesus: I can't please the Lord by myself, but the Son in me, can. May I rest in Jesus, not in money, not in fame, not seeking my own glory and even not being religious.
I know I have to be kinder with others. I am quite sure that a lot of unbelievers are kinder than me. At least I have to ask for the Lord to help me being more merciful, more humble, more forgiving.
Life is very short to make others respect me: I must surrender to Jesus and make others do the same.

Mommy died

Mommy passed away on September.
She was with Alzheimer phase 3.
She got pneumonia on June and was hospitalized. In order to avoid more infections, she left the hospital with a food probe linking her nose to her stomach. My sister decided to take her to a rest home. She died on September 8th.
She had to trust in Jesus in order to deal with a neighbor. We had two witches living besides.
In fact, my father bought that house in late 70s from a lady whose father had died at that house. She was, somehow, convinced that her father fell from the roof due to the witches.
At first they seemed friendly. My mother was shy and the last thing she wanted was to confront people.
But they began to do what witches do: curse, yell, and even throw toilet paper (full of shit) at us. She was very afraid to go to the backyard where she would be cursed. She was oppressed by a strong daemon. She needed Jesus help. She was not attending any church, but she called a christian friend who lead her to trust more and more in Jesus to the point of winning this battle.
She was a depressed person, but after this, she was glad for their neighbors because they lead her to Jesus.
She was like Job that cared about his children: praying that they keep their faith in Jesus.
In 2012 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer. Unfortunately, she stopped reading the Bible and praying. In her last days, she was at a wheelchair.
She was buried on Sunday. Many brothers and sisters attended her funeral.
As the pastor said: it seems that death won. He told that in many funerals, people don't talk about death because it so horrendous that even looking to death, we pretend that it is not there.
However, Christians can face death and believe in a miracle: my mother will be cured of Alzheimer and see Jesus face to face.