Anger

Anger

One of my problems is to avoid rejection at maximum, mainly, from unknown people I have just met for the first time. It is very illogical.
As a teacher, I am very used to rejection. Why, then, in some cases, just the appearance of rejection hurts me and in other cases not? Even when preaching, I am also used to rejection.
I have just found out one way to avoid this kind of feeling: look to Lord's sovereignty.
Let us suppose someone is angry with me, but I hardly know him.
Everything is under God's will, so this anger too.
Instead of thinking too much about rejection, I just have to pray to the Lord that is above everything, He is sovereign, so he is above some anger against me.
The problem is that I forget this as if someone's anger is totally detached from the Lord.

Natural way

I have just talked to Mr. DH - the brother in Jesus who had 3 strokes. He decided to visit S who had a recent stroke, to give him a hope message. The Lord is being merciful to Mr S, despite his suffering, because he provided this meeting with Mr. DH. 

Mr S saw the stroke as something worse than death. He is still in a wheel chair.

DH told me that just after the stroke he could not command his limbs. He had to relearn everything again, inclusive, walking. It required a lot of effort. He had to decide to crawl instead of using a wheel chair. It was not the natural way because he had to fight laziness everyday. 

He showed Mr S that it is possible to regain control of one's body but it requires some faith that it is possible. Now, Mr S believes that it is possible.

Mr DH saw that the Lord is a father that wants his son to grow, to have dominion over nature.

Rubik's Cube

My daughter was talking about Chinese students at our children's school. They are famously known as nerds. I told to my children that they must succeed in life. My son told us:
- I can not believe that the Chinese from my class will succeed.
- Why?
- Our class was forbidden to play Rubik's cube, however a group of Chinese disrespects these orders and plays it in front of the teacher but he pretends that nothing is happening and allows them playing.
- Ah... but this does not mean they will not succeed... I told him.
- Last year, the teacher decided to finish the year with a Rubik's cube tournament. Dad, no one of these Chinese won!
- Well... Perhaps you are right.
It was very funny to me.
There are many first immigrants from China that are very courageous and make business without knowing Portuguese. They do not think that even the language is a barrier to work. They are prone to be entrepreneurs instead of working to others. Many Chinese students must also learn Portuguese besides other normal subjects to succeed in class.  Many Chinese immigrants face the unknown with some kind of faith that they will succeed.
Christians have a foundation that enables them to overcome barriers as the Chinese immigrants do.

Authority and love

I tried to persuade the new brother I met yesterday that he should teach, even in Sunday School.
A teacher learns a lot about authority and love.
A teacher that does not exercise authority when needed, is sinning.
It is a sin of omission not to interfere in cases of bullying.
A bad student does not have the right to disturb the class, blocking others from learning. Thus the teacher must exercise his authority and, in some cases, expel the bad student. Isn't it love? Yes, for the students that are there to learn. It is also love for the bad student that must be guided to repentance.
However, a professor that loves his students in this way receives not only love from some, but also anger from many.
Jesus does not transform anyone in a coward, but in a brave soldier that fights for love and justice.

A new brother

Today, we took our daughter to a birthday party. There I met a guy who is an engineer and a brother in Jesus. I was amazed about our similarities.

It took a long time for me and for him to realize that we have found a new identity in Jesus despite attending to church services for many decades. It is just after this new identity that we really found rest in Jesus.

I learned one thing with him. He was telling me:

- If Jesus loves me despite what I do, I really can rest in Him. Thus, I see no need to please another person. Even though, I really go and talk to someone because I am pleased to do so. 

He was telling me that he spreads the gospel in a more natural way to him. He is not the kind of guy that meets a stranger and begins to evangelize. However, he waits for the Holly Ghost to show him that he should pray for someone in needy. Whenever he hears about someone sick, he is eager to pray for him, even, for non Christians. He told me that in one case, the person was not healed but he found Jesus, what was much better.

It amazed me how the Spirit guided me today and taught me through him.

Priorities after Suffering

Today, I asked my brother in Christ, DH, about a lesson that he had learned from his 3 strokes.

He told me that before the strokes he was always making plans for 1 year, 5 years, and 10 years ahead. These plans did not work, but they stressed him.

Today, he is very happy for his day, paying attention on God keeping him alive.

He told me that there are very few things really necessary: air, water, food and a shelter. 

He decided to enjoy each day as a gift from the Lord.

In other word, he decided to enjoy God's grace over him.

Even with some sequels from the strokes, he is much happier than before. The Lord changed his priorities. Now he focus on what is important: life.

Certainly I must think as him.
For instance, this morning I was watching videos in youtube about the next financial crisis in US. Interestingly, the video was talking about how comfortable the Jews were in Nazi Germany urging the watcher to escape the next US crisis that should happen this year (an election year). Focusing on life today does not fit to watching this kind of videos. For instance:  talking to my children is much more important. Even walking is more important.

Job

I am meditating on Job 1.

Job1:1 This man was blameless and upright; he feared God and shunned evil.

Job1:8 There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God  and shuns evil.

Job2:3 There is no one on earth like him; he is blameless and upright, a man who fears God and shuns evil. And he still maintains his integrity, though you incited me against him to ruin him without any reason.

The question is:

In what circumstance Job would sin? Job was not sinning in good times. Would he sin in bad times?

After a lot of suffering:

Job1:22 In all this, Job did not sin by charging God with wrongdoing. 

After more suffering: 

Job2:9-10 His wife said to him, “Are you still maintaining your integrity? Curse God and die!” He replied, “You are talking like a foolish woman. Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?”.  In all this, Job did not sin in what he said.

His suffering was a temptation to curse God, to see Him as unfair, to charge God with wrongdoing.

Is it possible that the Lord treats badly a blameless creature?

Yes. It is.

How is it possible to see Him as a just and good Lord despite suffering?

The answer is looking to his grace:

Job2:10 Shall we accept good from God, and not trouble?

Job1:21 The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away; may the name of the Lord be praised.

The losses are not real losses because everything came from him, so Job did not loose anything. He accepted the good and the bad things from the Lord. Everything was from Him: his prosperity, many serves, wealth but also, poorness and even his children killed. 

Although the text talks about Satan, Job ultimately sees the evil upon him coming from the Lord. 

I must learn with Job, to see the good and bad things that happens daily in my life, ultimately coming from the Lord. 

Invitation

I preach once a month in my church but I am not a pastor and I do not receive anything for preaching.
It is a honor to preach, to be invited to spread the Lord's word.
For me, it is some kind of sacrifice, as an offer. I comprehend that the Lord receives an offer from a pure heart, thus, I must be alert to repent from my sins before preaching.
I was invited to preach at another church, this Sunday, 28th of August.
After I had my life threatened some weeks ago, I listened to a Tim Keller sermon on Job 1. I enjoyed it very much and I applied to the events that were occurring at the invasion of my second father's house. I must be preaching on Job 1 this Sunday.
A more normal human being asks "why am I suffering?", but Job saw it coming from the Lord. Job was fearful to the Lord in good days. Would he be fearful in bad days? Was Job really serving the Lord with an unselfish love? Was Job fearful in good days, because the Lord was richly blessing him?
Today was a good day to me: no flat tire, no rain in the way, no accident, the Sun returned to shine in Sao Paulo city, the meeting with professors and students was not bad. I am fortunate to see the Lord's hand even in good days.

flat tire

I could not ride my bike today due to a flat tire.

I planned to go the Pilates class yesterday, but without the bike, it would take much more time than I had planned. So I did not fulfill it today.

I went by train in the morning and my professor brought me back in the evening. He was kind to me.

I had to fix the tire after dinner. A very small spike changed my daily routine.

Today, I think in some way, my Lord sent the spike, changed my daily routine and was kind through my professor.

Assessment

Today I took all day long assessing my students final exams. Many students have a irrational behavior. Instead of paying attention and annotate the class, they simply sleep over their desks. I try very much to interact with them, asking many questions during class, but it is not an easy task to get their attention.  This is reflected on the final exams. It is very irrational to waste the class time instead of learning to the final exam. 

It is very similar to the way, most of us live.  Everybody knows that are going to die and in judgement day, love is more important than money. But so what? Most of us live as if there is no death.

Burden

I was conducting the Sunday School class today and asked everybody to share their Bible readings from this week and doubts. Someone shared about the difficult to put in practice the Word in her daily life behaving as the good Samaritan.
I tried to explain that the good Samaritan is a parable made to show how far the religiosity of pharisees was from the the will of the Lord. That is why we had religious leaders behaving worse than a despised Samaritan. I told her that it is dangerous to read it as: "unless you become as good as the good Samaritan you will not be accepted by the Lord". By the opposite, first we should see ourselves as redeemed by the Lord and then be merciful to others.
I noticed that she was not satisfied with the explanation. She was looking to me as I was relaxing the Lord's will.
I told her that the Lord calls us for an abundant life, to rest in him, to have peace and joy. How is it possible when we are so distant from being kind as the Lord? The distance from her kindness to the good Samaritan, to the Lord's will, is a heavy burden to her. I myself know this burden because I was embracing the same reasoning up to, perhaps, 5 years ago.
I told her that today I can rest in Jesus because I really believe that I am in God's hand and not in my hand. I am controlled by the Lord and not by me. Even my sins are bound by the Lord. I mean, I can not flee from the Lord, I can not escape from his presence because I am his (as in Psalm 139).  I can not believe so much in my free will. My evil heart would apart me from the Lord, but, the Lord took my heart and is reshaping it.
She was still suspicious and told me she would meditate on this.
I really can not see any other way to combine the rest in Jesus and the burden that his words causes on me, unless I believe that Jesus himself is by my side carrying it.

My wife

We celebrated 15 years of marriage this year.
When I was adolescent, I read the book: "The Fourth Dimension" from Paul Yonggi Cho. It had a very bad impact on my wedding and I really do not recommend it. As I remember, the author urges the reader to specify in detail what is being asked in prayer, so that when he receives, he will clearly acknowledge the answer from the Lord. Unfortunately, I was very naive (as most adolescents), the book was recommended, and I was eager to ask things to the Lord. So, I embraced the book and asked a wife with a very good specification.



I was very motivated to find the love of my life, given by the Lord, marry her and be happy.
The Lord, however, is like a wild leon, and He does what pleases Him and not what pleases me.
I waited for the charming beauty for many years.
When I met my wife, sadly, she did not meet the requirements. Even fearful, I married her. Perhaps, I was afraid to die alone. By other side, she can not explain why she insisted so much on marriage.
We had many fights after marriage. Some or many were my fault. I was not happy with my spouse and she knew it.
The Lord is slow to anger. He loves me so much that gradually I began to learn contentment.
Today, I think the opposite. My wife is much more than I deserved. She is very beautiful, hard working and much more friendly than I am. She really complements me: I am not a beauty, somehow lazy and socially adverse. Thanks heaven, the Lord gave her to me.
I recommend you not to read or believe in books that presents a God that wants to satisfy your desires. However, the Lord satisfies the desires of the heart aligned to his will.

Small favor

As I was scheduled to work at another place, I had my daily routine broken today. At first, I was a little upset to waste my time doing nonsense things, but now, I see that the Lord took me to travel and I enjoyed something different.

A bus driver made me a small favor when returning. He dropped me on the way back. It saved 1:00H in commuting. I thanked him for his generosity, but I saw the Lord being gracious to me. It reminded me the one who is in front Jesus at judgement day and asks: "when did I give you water to drink?". He replied: "when you gave it to my little ones".

Here is a photo when I was walking to my job today:

A bet on condolence

I was really in doubt about one student: should I reprove him or should I assign another test to him?
I decided to reprove because I do not want that my students think it is easy to get another chance. If he were my child, I would do the same.
He must have had many merciful teachers that gave another chance to him.
He did not show in one test. I suppose he was expecting me to apply almost the same test exclusively to him. In this case, he would be benefited by wrong doing.
I want to show my children and my students that crime does not pay.
However, crime seems to pay for those who do not believe in judgement after death.

being loved

I try to chat with my children at dinner, mainly with my daughter. Generally, I make some questions about school such as: what class did you enjoy more, and what did you hate more? She answers as an obligation. Most of time she is always in a bad mood and complains about everything.
At dinner, today, I could talk in a more pleasant way with my daughter. She said that some students were disrespecting her teacher. I really became interested why and the conversation flew naturally. She told me that the teacher was not energetic to stop small conversations. His students got very comfortable in his class yielding noisy conversations which made him mad.
This small "happy" conversation sounded as victory to me.
On Monday, I read to my chindren Psalm 33:1-12. In 12:

The Lord loves righteousness and justice;
    the earth is full of his unfailing love.

I asked her: Do you really believe that the earth is full of the unfailing love of the Lord? Do you think that David was well treated when wrote this psalm? No, he had a lot of troubles but despite this, he was always seeing how God loved him, specially him. 
I told her that when I was coming back home (Monday) by bicycle, I took a heavy rain. It was cold, but each drop of water that hit me was as the Lord saying: "I love you". So I imagined a lot of "I love you" from the Lord.  
I urged her to think as David. Not only that, but I asked her to see my love as a father for her. 
That night she tenderly embraced me when saying "good night".
It requires some effort to feel loved.

Rules and Justice

Last Thursday, I applied the final test of microprocessors to my students. One student missed it, but he asked me to apply another test for him. He just decided not to show at the final test.
During the microprocessor course, the students were divided in groups. He was always making other stuff, pretending he was working with his colleagues. I know he does not deserve the score I assigned to his group.
What is justice?
A person is seen as correct when follows the rules, but is it enough?
Depending on how I follow the rules, this lazy student will pass without studying. A professor makes justice when he pass students that learned the subject and reproves otherwise. This is a little different of following rules because a student can be benefited by group works. In general, rules work very well and the score assigned to the student is fair, but there are exceptions. Perhaps, the rules should be refined for these special cases. The problem is that more rules creates other cracks in the approval requirements and it must be impossible to create the perfect set of rules.
Justice can not be accomplished by a set of rules. It is beyond that.

Bubble

Although my parent's family does not celebrate birthdays and commemorative dates, yesterday, my wife decided to celebrate the father's day (every second Sunday of August), thus we called my parents, my brother's and sister's family. Sadly, my family is not united so, I had some discomfort.
We were talking after lunch but, for me, I was not eager to engage in foolishness chat. So my brother in law was free to be in charge of the conversation.
My mother, with Alzheimer, was seated next to me. I pointed my wife and asked who she was in a low voice. He stopped his conversation, and decided to call my attention. He said that I was embarrassing her as she was not able to answer. He complained: "You are testing people and nobody wants to be tested!".
I told him that nowadays people seems to avoid suffering at maximum, but this avoidance does not translate into love. What is love? Nobody was giving any attention to my mother. She was in her world during conversation. I was just taking her to our world, but using a very simple language that everybody understand: "who is she?".
He told that I should try something different, such as: "are you cold?" which was less harming to her. I asked him to explain in detail, why my question was harming my mother. Everybody knows she is with Alzheimer so nobody would laugh for any silly answer. Was she feeling dumb? She showed no sign of it. She was not even catching the discussion. My sister (and brother in law) is politically correct and, she very rarely visits my parents.
What is love? Love is not put my mother in a bubble and forget her there. Love is to interact with her, to be present.

Guilt

I took this photo in July 22nd:

Do you see a traffic jam over the bridge (acesso para a av. Bandeirantes)?
Does the sequence of cars a random or a determined one?
Is God really in charge of everything?

We read in the 10 commandments:

Exodus20:7 “You shall not take the name of the Lord your God in vain, for the Lord will not hold him guiltless who takes his name in vain.

The false pastor, his homicide companion and other thieves, who invaded my father's house, were pretending to be christians, saying they were taking possession of the land as Joshua took possession of Jericho. They were guilt of breaking the third commandment: not take the name of the Lord in vain.
My father was told that one of the intruders, a dangerous one, was killed. It must be after the damage of the Volks and the robbery of many items from my father's house.
We are not assassins, but in my heart, I really hope that the one killed was the homicide who threatened me.
Am I wrong for such desire? From Psalm 31:

O Lord, let me not be put to shame,
    for I call upon you;
let the wicked be put to shame;
    let them go silently to Sheol.
18 Let the lying lips be mute,
    which speak insolently against the righteous
    in pride and contempt.

David asks that the wicked go silently to Sheol. He desires that the wicked perishes.
I really see that the Lord is in charge.
My life is really in Lord's hand.
Even the life of the wicked is in Lord's hand.
Blessed be the name of the Lord.

Wisdom

Here is a photo from my dinner in August, 3rd:

I enjoy very much vegetables, olive oil, fish and rice.
The Almighty loves me and my family.

The Almighty loved Job too.

Satan bet that Job loved the Lord for his own benefit.
The Lord said that it was a lie, Job loved the Lord because He is the only one worth of praise.
The Lord permitted that Job suffered under Satan's power to show he was wrong.
The main cause of suffering is the loss of a precious thing or somebody.
Suffering is like a filter that separates the chosen ones from the rebels. After the huge loss, the chosen ones will praise the Lord while the rebels can not see God that keeps them.
I hope that my father grows much more in faith now that he had big losses due to the intruders that plundered the house and broke the Volks. Let him say like Job:

“Naked I came from my mother’s womb,
    and naked I will depart.
The Lord gave and the Lord has taken away;
    may the name of the Lord be praised.”

Hope

I took this photo yesterday, August 9th:

The leaves become yellow once a year. I was hoping to see it again this year. For me, it was sign that the Lord loves me.
Life is hard, but much harder without hope.

The one who threatened to kill me on Saturday must be very dangerous. His name appears in many judicial processes, in some, as a homicide. 

Perhaps I am paranoid thinking about it continually. Perhaps not.

I must focus on Jesus:  Don't be afraid of those who kill the body, but are not able to kill the soul. Rather, fear him who is able to destroy both soul and body in Gehenna.

If it is really true that God exists and He has written all my days here on earth, I must not be afraid of anything. My life is not in the hands of an homicide. It may appear so in this earth but it is just an illusion. My life is in God's hand.

This thought made me sing with joy to the Lord.

I arrived home, yesterday, and searched for jobs in Canada.

Guess what? A lot for computer engineering.

Perhaps this idea will vanish quickly from my brain, perhaps not.

Anyway, the hope made me glad.

Scheme

Sadly, we have governmental rules that benefits vagabonds and harms workers.

One rule says that if someone lives in an abandoned house for few months, he has taken the property.

Such rule opened one way to take over real sate properties involving thieves, policemen and lawyers. 

There is another law that permits churches to work without paying taxes.

I am quite sure that the false pastor is a lawyer who mocks the Lord. I am quite sure that policemen, this false pastor and thieves (real thieves) are involved in a great scam to legally take possession of real state properties and, by law, do not pay taxes.
Some policemen are corrupt. We were forced to wait many hours to fill a statement describing what happened until another case arrived. A lot of false declarations were written down from the false pastor as my father was dealing a rent contract but the truth that my father told had almost disappeared among so many lies. For me, the text was obviously part of a great scam. What can we do? Trust in men?
As my family is really not used to go to the police station, we did not ask for the statement. It was given to me by a policeman when were outside the police station building going to the car.

I am a Brazilian, but I am really sad about its future.

What can I hope to my children from this country? A country that allows lying for auto defense in court.  

Corruption exists anywhere, but I believe that it is much more organized here.

What does think my Father in Heaven about Brazil?

For now, I would like to leave this country.

Would the Lord help me to move away?

  

Oppression

Is Brazil a safe country?
No. It is not.
It has been very difficult to save money here in Brazil. Among many options, real state seemed a good way to save money, mainly before 1990, when Brazil was facing hyper inflation. My father has 2 houses. He lives in one but at the second house he was leaving his belongs such as an old VW (Volks) parked there and heavy tools (milling and lathe).
Intruders took the second house claiming they are building a church there.
They call one guy, "pastor".
Every Saturday, I visit my parents in order to read the Bible with them.
This Saturday was very different.
My father was notified about the invasion very soon in the morning, minutes after  I had arrived.
My father, my brother and I went there by car. I was very reluctantly and sat on the back seat.
I was talking about Joshua, Jericho and the spies to them on the car saying that we should pray, spy the house and call the police before anything.
As we approached the house, clearly, it was being plundered.
My father did not think.
He honked the car, calling the attention of the intruders, who surrounded the car.
My father and brother exited the car to discuss.
I pleaded that they come back but they did not.
I could not exit because the car was with the back doors locked.
I phoned the police from the car. As I was calling, one guy said: "Do not call the police or you will die".
The police came and took everybody to the police station.
The policemen said that we should lock the house putting some barrier in the entrance of the house.
My father and brother did it in the afternoon but the intruders came back and dismantled everything. My father thought to bring out our Volks but could not as there was another car blocking the exit.
Yesterday was Sunday.
I and my brother went to the church. My father decided to go back to the second house alone but the situation was worse.
The Voks was with the windows broken, no battery and many other damages.
My father decided to reconstruct a barrier. Meanwhile, 2 persons asked him about the price of the house.
He is almost 80 years old. He is outraged by the situation.
I asked him to rest today, Monday.
May I still recite Psalm 23:

The Lord is my shepherd; I shall not want.
2     He makes me lie down in green pastures.
He leads me beside still waters.
3     He restores my soul.
He leads me in paths of righteousness
    for his name's sake.

Wreckage

Here is a photo of an abandoned ship in Pinheiros river taken today:

I do not know why the ship was left there, but it was not meant to.

I was talking today to the lady who works at home. Sadly for her, she is entering in a divorce process, after 2 years separated. She is around 58 years old. When younger, she expected to enjoy life with her ex husband after retirement. Now, her ex husband is moving to a distant place with another woman, thus the needy for divorce. She had thought that they would live together until someone dies. Divorce brings a great sensation of failure: as she was building something that turned into a wreckage. Let Jesus be her light and her salvation.

Pilates

I liked this photo from July 15th:

It is a erected tree at sunset which I took from the "Praca do Relogio" at Sao Paulo University.
Yesterday, Tuesday, I began a Pilates course in order to keep my column erected as I am getting older.
Jesus wants me to walk with my column erected among men as a tree. The first Christians did not bow to any man, even Caesar, because only Jesus is Lord.  

Divorce

Yesterday, my colleague told me he divorced by the second time from the same wife because he remarried her. It was not fair that only he had to cede to let the marriage goes on. The marriage works when the husband restrains his freedom to please his wife and vice versa. When there is no reciprocity, the one who cedes will feel used by the other. It is getting more and more difficult to keep the marriage these days. One great cause of divorce is the lack of dialogue, the lack of openness to each other, which leads to someone feel abused with a growing resentment. Generally, the one who feels oppressed is the one who asks for divorce, although in some cases, it is the opposite.
Another great cause is the lack of a common purpose. After the children grew, what is the purpose of marriage? Could it be Jesus?
This photo taken today is from my wedding ring:

We bought it just a few days before the wedding ceremony.
As the gardener is always looking for weeds in his garden, so I must be clarifying resentments before they kill my marriage. It is not an easy task to perform alone. I sincerely hope that I and my wife remember to look at Jesus every day establishing our home in the Rock.

Strokes

A brother from the church had 3 strokes (cerebrovascular accident). The first one was at 42 years old. The last one was during a brain surgery to prevent repetitive strokes. He became unable to drink water. He had to mix water and flour because he could not separate water from the air in his throat.  Very gradually, through many exercises, he now can walk and drink water again. Now he praises the Lord for each new day he lives. Due to his strokes, he had the right to receive government pension, but he denied it.
He has been a very active man, full of ideas. In fact, he was an entrepreneur when younger, but his company failed after president Collor plan which confiscated all money in banks. Then, he got a job. He had the strokes and lost his job.
Despite his sufferings, he sees the Lord guiding his life: go this way, not this way! For me, and others, it is very difficult that he has so much intimacy with the Lord. According to himself, God wants that he blesses others through his ideas.

He is an architect. I asked him to repair the gutter of my house roof. He took it as a mission.

In this photo, from July 26th:

you see the wall of my bedroom. We have been suffering a leak problem that I could not repair by myself.
When I asked him to study my roof, he saw an opportunity to create something new.
He studied very carefully the problem and coordinated the repair with two other guys. He decided to cover the gutter with aluminium in order to prevent the tree leaves next home to clog the gutter. He had to figure out how to dispose the aluminium in the roof so that it does not create holes in the junctions as it expands and retracts due to the sun and rain. Even with some difficulties in his equilibrium, he went to the roof many times.
Certainly the Lord is teaching me many things about life through him.

By other hand, I was known that, coincidentally, another guy had a stroke at 42 years old. He is now "recovering" from it. He was a top executive in the financial sector with a very high salary. He does not believe in the Invisible One and laughs when someone prays for him. Although his wife is trying to make everything for him, he wants to commit suicide.  

Two strokes at 42 years old men and two opposite ways to face life.