My reformed friend Dan

I couldn't believe in "salvation assurance".
As an engineer, it seems to me that the "doubt" moved manhood ahead while "assurance" stagnated. I was an Arminian, believing in free will - a will that is alien to the Lord's will. I believed that the Lord, in his kindness, was very respectful to men's free will. And despite that, the Lord demanded obedience to his Word as a sign of perseverance. How can a man believe in salvation assurance with such beliefs? Totally impossible. For me, the Lord was cruel; demanding a lot of things that I would never accomplish.
After a lot of deception with the preaching of a pastor, I moved to another church and met Dan.
At first, Dan seemed to be very stable, happy, intelligent and above all, he was the best Bible "scholar" I had ever met. I say "scholar", in quotes. because he was not really a scholar, but he was almost one as he was attending a seminary and knew many and many thinkers. He liked Augustine and he was reading many of his books.  He seemed eager to extract the proper meaning whenever the Bible was read from Hebrew or Greek. It was a great pleasure to get knowledge from Dan.
At that time, the pastor in this new nikkei church designated me to preach at the fifth of some Month (around 4 sermons in a year). In retrospect, I can't believe that the pastor called someone with lack of salvation assurance to preach. However, I remember I was always trying to be very faithful to the Word in my sermons (and the Word is also arminian in my opinion).
Dan made me study one discipline in a seminary: Methods to Bible Study. He used his car and "carried" me to the first class that was far away from Sao Paulo. Meanwhile, I was bombarding him about salvation assurance questions because it was a great lie to me. I couldn't read anywhere in the Bible that the saints have eternal life assurance. As the Lord had to respect men's free will, how someone would have eternal life assurance? He asked me: "Why do you believe in free will? There is no free will.". He also gave me the book "The God Sovereignty" from A Pynk which opened my eyes to a new way of thinking. In fact, in the absence of free will, finally, I could have salvation assurance.
I didn't reflect so much on the question: "Am I an elect?"  because, I had to be, or I had to have faith. The other option was so terrible that I couldn't even think about it. In fact, I remember, it was like a great relief to believe on it: a heavy burden was taken off my shoulders. Finally, I could breath with the Sovereign Lord who would lead me to the eternal life, next to Him. What a glory! What a joy! What a new life in Jesus! I could claim and proclaim victory in Jesus. And certainly I had a change of mind. I began to preach in a very different way, to see my spouse and children differently. I began to see a beautiful world, full of God's compassion specially to me, a sinner but much more than a sinner, a believer.
Dan was an instrument of the Lord, he was used so that I had my eyes opened. Finally: "I was blind, but now I see". Thus, I was very grateful to Dan.
However, the Lord writes a story full of ironies.
Dan began to press me very much to be a much better Sunday School teacher. He was always showing me a lot of references that I had to read before class. I was always saying to him: "Why don't you take care of the class? You are much more qualified than me."
I began to suspect that Dan was in fact some kind of irresponsible guy that liked to coordinate others, as a hidden boss. He told me I could ask anything to him in order to prepare Sunday School classes. So I began to ask him a lot of questions about the Philippians by email. I noticed he was not very eager to discuss or answer the questions. How come? What was happening to my reformed friend? It was not logical...
Finally, one day, he sent me an email where he was very angry with me. What?! I couldn't understand the motives; but it hurted me profoundly. I had lost my friend, some kind of light in a dark world.
He was also preaching in our little church, but after a few sermons (perhaps 2 months), he gave up preaching. He even abandoned our church.
What a deception!
Perhaps, due to our friendship, Dan decided to reconcile with me, but his words were not very convincing. I couldn't feel remorse. Anyway, he confessed me he had to leave the pulpit due to sin. I couldn't see any Lord's devotion or any Lord's guidance or even any life of prayer in him. So sad. At least, he seemed coherent to leave the pulpit. I really hate false pastors, false teachers, hypocrites in the church.
I met Dan many times after that, but it seemed that his light, his devotion and faith had been lost. I even traveled with him for a month (me, my wife, he and a friend). I couldn't talk to him about Jesus. He was almost like any other mundane guy. I began to see him as a great impostor and even worse, as psychopath. Perhaps, all human being has a psychopath side, but he is really closer, I guess. He can talk very friendly and openly. But even so, his heart is hidden I daresay, even to himself. He may move in darkness. After travelling with him, I was amazed. He was not only very intelligent, but he was also very charismatic. I saw how easily he made contact with anyone, and how easily he could be "loved" (adored?). So, it was like I had met an angel which turned into a demon because his inner soul was always hidden from anyone. He could very easily manipulate anyone in his own favor. It seemed to me that he had some dark power... that he was a psychopath.
And I met Dan other times too.
I could see that he couldn't control his emotions very well. I think that despite everything, I got some trust in Dan'eyes. I saw myself as a kind of privileged guy that could see Dan's dark side. Despite his jokes against me, at the bottom of his heart, he must had taken me seriously when I talk about Jesus, the Bible, the Truth.
I met him yesterday.
I talked a lot with him and it was a great pleasure to me.
It was some kind of reconciliation after a lot of discussions.
Perhaps I changed my mind again about him. Is he really the psycho I previously thought? Perhaps, there still hope to Dan, some search to the Lord in his wicked heart (arminian) or some calling from the Lord (calvinist).
The big irony is that the Lord exalts a humble man even though he can't read Hebrew or Greek, even though, I daresay, he is reformed or not. The big irony is that people that are much closer to heaven's kingdom will be left behind by others with lower intelligence and seminary preparation because the Lord pours his Spirit in whom he wishes. The Lord is really sovereign and reigns.  He may use whoever he wishes in his work. Let Him use me. Let Him use Dan, too. I hope Dan turns his eyes to Jesus and receives a clear mind.