Identity

When I was adolescent, I was bullied in school. I was the best pupil in class, Japanese descendant, with heavy glasses. Almost everyone seemed stronger than me. Since my childhood, I did not know to deal with others. In fact, my parents did not have almost no relationships outside our family. Now it seems to me that I was really a great target for bullies. Everyone seemed to make fun of me calling me by other names, yelling when looking at me, confronting me and even physically harming me. I had no friends. Who in the world would stand by my side? It was hard times.

I saw my enemies and I had a thought: I will have a bright future because I will study hard. I will get good scores to be approved in a good faculty, but they will have a dark future.

And so it happened.

I decided to create a name for myself, to have an identity, to be respected by my intelligence. I enjoyed very much chess, perhaps to show how good I am (although in faculty, I knew some others much better than me).  As I graduated, it was like I have proved my point: I have won. 

At that time, I was a dumb guy: I felt superior to others who graduated by inferior schools. I was very arrogant.

Now, I think that I accomplished too little in life. I have always chased my self interest. I have always thought what great thing I could do to benefit myself. 

I am quite sure that after my death, my name will be forgotten in years, or in less than one year.

I took this photo today.

I am like a shadow in this world. The few achievements of my life that may survive my death, will not be really my achievements. May the Lord work on me.