wife

My wife is generally unrespectful to me. She easily yells for nothing. She claims she only yells to defend herself.
This morning, I was at the toilet listening to youtube. She must said something but I didn't hear anything. She became very very angry and accused me of playing deaf to not hear what she was asking. She wanted me to carry some water. After a lot of screaming, I went to carry the water, but she didn't follow me and I decided to make all the cleaning of the backyard.
She, as her father, thinks of herself as a great worker and she looks to me as a very lazy guy. I really think that she has no respect to me.
The Lord says that the husband must lead his wife and his family; but it is a very difficult task to me.  I must pray about this situation. It affects how our children understand what is a family.
She spends a lot of money in things that I would never spend. I am the controlled guy, I mean in any aspect, finance included; but she is some how uncontrolled. In fact, she can't save much.
In her craziness, many times, she has said she was leaving home.
I told her many times, that the family should be very stable as it is an alliance relationship; but as Proverbs says - the crazy woman destroys her house. I hope my wife is not so  crazy to this point.
There was a just man, Job, who had a crazy wife. So, it must not be a great sin to have a crazy wife.
Anyway, what can I do to have a better marriage?

• pray for the wife (best way to avoid some grudge.
• pray together. We pray as family before sleeping.
• improve communication - it is very difficult. Try to understand what she is doing. It is somehow more difficult nowadays with internet.
• I have read christian books about family, but she didn't. How to make her read? Should I read to her?
• I must be a leader and make her listen to me (what is difficult). She is used to think that she is the one who makes things; and I only live in a moon, thinking. For instance, should I control her finance? As she works, she wants to spend her money as she thinks appropriate.

If I were a rich man

You must know the music "If I were a rich man" from the movie "The Fiddler on the roof". I wouldn't have to work hard and my wife would have the house of her dreams, full of employees.
I saw a video in Youtube of a rich guy that decided to spend his last decades (I think that he is still in his 60s) of his life cruising around the world. Is he really rich? Is this the kind of life I dream for? Certainly not. The great problem of travelling around the world is a life wasted. It is like going everywhere and reaching nowhere. For me, it is sad.
So, how would I make different?
Nowadays I see myself as a satisfied man because I am quite satisfied with everything the Lord has provided me: job, house and family.
If I were rich, perhaps, I would continue my life as it is; but certainly I would not go to the work anymore because, I think that it would more productive to stay with my family, helping my children in their education, for instance. So, If I were rich, and have some idea of what I want from life, I would have much more resource to accomplish it.
A good question is: what do I want from life?
I don't want great things to myself as David wrote in psalm. I learned to be content with little. I have been in fancy hotels in the beginning of this year, but I really don't need them. I have been eating in very good restaurants, but I am grateful with my everyday bread. So, what would I do supposing I have means to accomplish it?
I know that what will remain from my life is basically, what I have done to the Lord. Despite money, I know I have to take care of my family; and this is a duty from the Lord. Sincerely, I am quite sure that there is no great benefit of being rich in order to serve the Lord better. By opposite, a poor guy may serve the Lord much better than the rich because he depends on Him.
The great benefit of richness is financial freedom and consequently, liberty to avoid any job that is nonsense or unpleasant. It would provide me resource to spend my time on what I consider more important, even though not necessarily more financially rewarding.
I think that the Lord has provided me some communication skills and some analytical reasoning. So, I would like to use them before dying or before getting Alzheimer. In fact, nowadays, it is much easier to expose ideas than ever before in history. I would like to have a theme and communicate it very effectively using any media. I would like to write about relationship with the Lord mixed with finance. How would I serve others with these ideas?

Peace

Yesterday I had a fight with my sister.
We contracted a lawyer to a very simple task: put me in charge of all responsibilities of my mother with Alzheimer, inclusive, financial responsibilities. Unfortunately, she is very irresponsible. I had to generate documents based on the financial information that I provided to the lawyer because she seemed incompetent or lazy to read it. It made furious because I was paying to someone just because, by law, I need to contract a lawyer. After that, she lost a deadline and she was blaming me. It made me more furious. The lawyer was a colleague of my sister in some church; so she was supposed to be a responsible christian. I told the lawyer that she should be responsible in following up a process, taking care of deadlines. I also told her that as we were exchanging emails, everything was registered; so for me, it was very easy to prove that it was her fault. She became very angry and replied that from that moment on, all communication would be in her office, personally.   I replied by email questioning her conduct, as she was paid to a very simple task. Would she accomplish it? She didn' t answer.
Yesterday, my sister was very angry with me  because, in her opinion, I was very rude with the lawyer. She contacted other lawyer that made some suggestions to her what implied in some burden to me; but she wasn' t clear, open to me about what she was doing, she was just demanding more things. As she reaveald what was happening, I became very upset with my sister; so we had a fight. However, I tried to make my sister understand that, despite the arguing, the Lord has been providing everything and the most important thing was to show love to my mother. I think that I failed in my communication because she left the house without any word.
In this week, we, my family, watched some tapes from the beginning of our marriage when our children were babies. I was the one who recorded most ot the films, interacting with our babies.
Even though I was not talking about the Lord, I could see, clearly, that the Lord was with me, even though I had Arminian views at that moment. I am more and more convinced that the Lord has been guiding my life. This knowledge brings me peace; and yesterday, despite all problems with my sister, I am certain that the Lord has been with me, sustaining me.

Work and Sunday

I am taking Sunday as a sacred day, spared to the Lord.
I would really like to study companies, real estate, trends, etc. i.e, money related things; but Sunday must be a different day.
However, the Bible itself talks a lot about money; so on Sunday, I think it is possible to think about money but asking questions such as:
- Am I being greed, trusting on money as some provider to me?
- The Lord set me free from slavery; am I living as a free man?
- I would like very much to have a company where my children work with me. Is it only a dream? I don't have any idea what to do... but would the Lord help me in such enterprise?

The Lord wants that his children work in order to eat.
The first job assigned to man was gardening.
Gardening is very interesting: it is necessary to choose a proper location to the plant, to fight against fungos, insects, birds; etc. It is necessary to participate in God's creation.
I would like to make a familiar enterprise related to some aspect of creation.
Some ideas:
- have a vineyard in Portugal.
- create lambs in Uruguay.
but these ideas are very distant from what I am used to; so let me think some closer ideas:
- English school - Do I know English to myself? Not the greatest idea...
- security - some company that deals with security; cameras installation, image processing, etc.
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our church is diminishing

Our nikkei church is diminishing. Yesterday one family left it.
I wrote an email to the man. I wrote about communion that we should have, but we haven't. Perhaps, it was my fault and in case of resentments, I asked for pardon. I didn't receive any reply.
In any case, what makes a christian in the Rock is the faith that Jesus cares for him, forgives his sins by his own blood, and lifts him up when sins. So, despite any problem, I have to believe that the Lord keeps my faith. 
Around December 2018, Peter and Helen left our church. Peter communicated his decision to our senior pastor's wife but he didn't tell anything directly to him. After decades in our church (in fact, I came much after the couple), they left without saying anything in public. The senior pastor was very disappointed. They didn't talk anything to me or my family. I myself decided not to search for them.
So, what is a church?
Our little church put some emphasis on sunday lunches and commemorative dates. All these feasts put some burden in a few people. After so much communion, people leave the church and in my opinion, all this "communion" is suddenly lost.

For me, the church must focus on the word. I would like to see a church where its attendants enjoy reading the Bible.
Thinking about the word of the Lord, I am preaching there once a month and I wonder if it makes any difference.
Today I read Jeremiah, chapter 11, as I read the Bible one chapter per day (to myself).
Jeremiah preached the Word, but instead of listening carefully to him, they warned him to stop preaching otherwise he would be killed.
The great question is: "Am I preaching according to God's will?" and not: "Do people enjoy my sermons?".

Unfortunately, our nikkei church resembles much more a club. It works on closed doors. It is very rare any new soul visiting our church.
Jeremiah was unpopular because he preached that the Lord would not save his people from its destruction. Jerusalem would be taken by the Babylonians.

I suppose that our church will end very soon.
I pray that the Lord guide my family as I see my family as the main church to lead.
A thought came to my mind: I have to trust in the Lord despite the church is becoming empty.

Alzheimer and bank

Mummy has enough money to buy a real estate (a small real estate in Sao Paulo). It is in a bank, applied to generate pension in old age. Due to the Alzheimer, mommy can' t cash out. I became her curator but in a preliminary phase (tutela) for now. It is very likely that it will become definitive.
We have still to present more documents to the brazilian justice.
This week, I went to the bank on Wednesday and presented me as Mommy's curator, but I didn't retrieve a penny. I felt some kind of silly guy... I came back today and asked to retrieve all money from this pension account. Mommy will have to pay 27.5 % of income tax: 15% at the moment and more 12.5% next year. I was told that the bank will analyze my case and return a position around Tuesday.
I intend to transfer Mommy's money in a shared account between me, brother and sister.
It may be used to improve the house in which they live, turning more adapted to them.

amazement

In Matthew 8:

23 When He got into the boat, His disciples followed Him. 24 And suddenly a violent storm arose on the sea, so that the boat was being covered by the waves; but Jesus was sleeping. 25 And the disciples went and woke Him, saying, “Lord, save us, we are going to die!” 26 He said to them, “Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?” Then He got up and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was [at once] a great andwonderful calm [a perfect peacefulness]. 27 The men wondered in amazement, saying, “What kind of man is this, that even the winds and the sea obey Him?”

My next sermon must be about this text. Matthew is saying "Jesus is the Messiah, the king". He is the king of heaven and he reigns over the creation. He is awesome.

Some preachers will put emphasis on the "little faith" saying that everything can be accomplished by faith, even the supernatural controlling of the nature. Is it really the emphasis of the Matthew book? The gospel is proclaiming Jesus as king, as the savior, the lamb of God; but the gospel is not proclaiming that we may achieve everything by faith in achieving everything. Satan said something similar in the Edem: "rebel and you will become like god".
So why Jesus said:
“Why are you afraid, you men of little faith?”
He said that if the disciples had more faith, they would not be afraid.
But faith in what?
It must be faith in Jesus, in whom He is. I mean that, because it combines with the gospel.
It must not be faith in achieving my will by faith... because it doesn't combine with the gospel and with the Holy Bible.
So the question could be read as:

Why don't you trust in me? I am in the boat and there is nothing to be afraid of.
I am convinced that these kinds of miracles that Jesus performed were pointers, signals to Jesus as the Messiah. I am not seeing these kinds of miracles that defy the law of physics today. (I am almost quoting R C Sproul.)