The Lord bans war inside me

In Psalm 46:

Attention, all! See the marvels of God!

    He plants flowers and trees all over the earth,

Bans war from pole to pole,

    breaks all the weapons across his knee.

“Step out of the traffic! Take a long,

    loving look at me, your High God,

    above politics, above everything.”

I retired from my job as a teacher. 

It seems to me that most of my life was at war.

I remember saying to myself as a child: I don't understand how they say that children are happy. I am not happy.

Since I was a child, I had to struggle as I had to prove that I was worthy living. 

It began in school: I had to prove I was a good student and make my way to university.

Then, I had to prove that I deserved my salary.

and more recently, I had to prove that I had some value as a teacher before my students.

Even in home, it seems that I have to prove to my wife that I care for her of for the house.

The problem is that I am always failing, I am always loosing wars.

In Psalm 46, I read that the Lord bans war.

Let him bans the war inside myself.

I don't have to prove anything to the Lord, do I?

He knows me and He knows everything about my failures.

The Lord is calling me to look to Him, to see his marvels.

Let me take a long, loving look to my High God. 

Let me marvel about the Sun, the sky, the plants and the birds that He created.

Let me marvel about the blood that pumps in my arteries, my brain that recognizes Him as my Lord. I myself is His.

He is above everything. He is above my failures. He bans war and bring me peace.