Predestination

Now, in 2019, I exist.
My hands that are writing this post are formed by carbon, hidrogen, and some other atoms. I was born in 1963, so, certainly, no one of these atoms were "mine" in 1961. I daresay that most of these atoms didn't belong to my hands 3, 4 years ago.
Do I have these atoms, molecules? Do I really own my body?
Do I own my mind?
Do I know the Lord?
How do all these things happen?
The Lord decided a long time ago, that he would create the C, H, O, etc. and assemble them on my hands. He decided that he would create my brain, and that he would put "my" thoughts in it.
Do my thoughts are really mine?
I am yours, Lord.
Praise be to you because I am yours.

Matthew 11:20-30; Responsability and rest

Today I preached Matthew 11:20-30. Jesus foresees a fierce punishment to the cities of Galilee where he showed many miracles because they didn't repent. The Bible says that the more one receives from the Lord (revelation, miracles), the more he will be charged. There are different degrees of responsibility: an intelligent person is more responsible than a dummy one. There are different kinds of people: even though, one may read the Bible and attend many sermons, he doesn't believe. Other may receive the gospel quickly. So, how does it happen? People from Cafarnaum had hard hearts, but why some have hard hearts and others not?
A normal preacher would be disappointed with himself if after a heavy work, there were just a few converts; but Jesus told that the Father decided to reveal celestial things to little children, that is, people who are not wise in their own eyes. So, what happened to Cafarnaum is not Jesus' fault. Jesus is talking about predestination, the will of the Lord that transcends human desires.
Jesus says that he is the one who reveals the Father and after that, he invites anyone who is weary and burdened to go to him. The Son has the power to reveal the Father and in doing so, he will provide rest to the one who goes to him. Interestingly, this rest comes from taking seriously Jesus teachings (his yoke) and be his disciple (learn from him). He is the teacher, I am his disciple. He is not a furious and proud teacher who mistreats his own disciples. He is a gentle and humble teacher that takes care of his disciples.
He is a teacher that makes the lesson (love the Father, and love others as yourself) easy.
Amem to this.
I really think that the Lord revealed me this sermon, but I don't really feel proud about receiving this revelation, by opposite. This afternoon, after preaching, I watched some youtube videos about finance, but with some kind of sorrow in my heart. I know, I really know, that the great wealth is not money. So, I was sorrow with my own heart because I should focus on love the Father, and love others, not money.
That is why I decided to write this post: to stop thinking about foolishness and focus on Jesus.
I said in public that satisfaction is in Jesus.
Is this real to me?
Do I have satisfaction in Jesus?
I said in public that there is a music which says: "Jesus is everthing to me".
Is it true to me?
Yes, it is true, even though, sometimes I loose the way; but my dear Jesus is the good pastor who leads me back to the way.
It is true: I find satisfaction in Jesus because I believe that he is powerful, much more powerful than my own sins. So I find satisfaction in Jesus when I repent (about looking youtube videos about finance at Sunday afternoon) and find the cure in him.
Love means to cultivate relationships.
Sir, let me be a good husband and a good father today.

God forbid

My father, 82 years old, has paraphrenia. He behaves as someone with schizophrenia. It means that he is somehow paranoid about everybody. Everyone has stolen money from him, mainly my sister in law that lives with him. He listens to what he calls a "little radio". Nowadays, this radio makes he goes somewhere to receive a big check due to selling his own house to Bolsonaro (he means the president's son). However, I explained a thousand times, that this radio is a liar and besides that, all his real estate are blocked due to inventory.
Until now, he has been receiving me well when I visit him, but today, he accused me of taking his money. I went there specially to talk to him, but I couldn't.
As a christian, I understand that I'm a heaven citizen, that my real place is not here; so I don't have to be worried about money. However, I really enjoy thinking about finance, stocks, companies and I would like to become a better investor.
God forbid that I become paranoid as my father. He lives in a world in which he must have money, where every cent counts. He can't enjoy all the gifts that the Lord has provided to him, he even can't see that the Lord is good. He tries to find rest in money where thieves (his loved ones) always rob him. He can't see that he is loved. He can´t rest. He always must pursue an imaginary deal where he earns millions by selling a house. Poor dad! I had admired my father, I thought he was a man with much more good sense than a lot of people in a university, but today, he is really crazy. Poor me that I went there to visit him and I was misinterpreted.
God forbid that I can't rest in Him.
God forbid that I see money as my great treasure because I know that my evil heart longs for money.
Let my Lord be merciful to me and make me rest in Him, always.
Let my Lord make me understand that he is good and he gives whatever he wants to his own children.

Church is still diminishing

Last Sunday, the Yamashita family didn't attend the church. Yamashita Okusan (the wife) sees everyone in church as a hypocrite, so she had not being attending the church for the last 10 Sundays. Her husband went alone with his children. Last Sunday, he gave up (let us say) and went to another church suitable to his wife's wish.
I told him that he is not wrong: our little church is not the only church and I think that, it's not a great sin to move to another church; mainly for saving the marriage. If she wanted to go to a "macumba center  (witchcraft) ", it would be a very different situation.
I talked to our new pastor yesterday, he thinks different. Yamashita san should stand firm, even risking his marriage, because it will not solve his wife problems (he was not very specific about her problem) and leaving the church turns into a bad testimony to his children.
Yamashita san (the husband) has a small business and decided to help one unemployed member (Kang); so they opened a new small business in another place. This new small business turned belly up, they fought, Yamashita Okusan was very displeased with all this situation and, although Kang's family had already left our small church, she couldn't go there anymore due to an employee (now unemployed) who is still in our church.
We, my family, went to the church today. The sensei (senior pastor) was very worried about our position as my children are lonely without the Yamashita's children companion.

father as a widower

Father were used to talk to mommy even when she could not talk anything due to Alzheimer. He couldn't see her as a sick person. When she began to deteriorate, he blamed us to take her to the doctor, and have become ill due to the treatment.
She died in a nursing home. They attached her to a wheelchair to prevent that she would walk, fall and break a bone. My father was upset. He blamed the nursing home of blocking mommy and turning her much more dependent of the facilities, so that she couldn't return home.
He tried many times to go there and "save" her from that place, but, I think, that he was aware that he would have to take properly care of her: feeding, changing diapers, cleaning, etc., so he gave up the idea.
When mother died, I thought dad would blame us that we killed her, taking her to the nursing home, but he didn't.
I think that his schizophrenia worsened. He is sure that he sold his house for a fortune for the president's son and someone (sometime, I) must give him the money.
Today at 5:30H AM he woke up my brother saying that someone was calling him (or my brother).
He must take a medicine, but he is quite sure that it will bring him a lot of problems, so he doesn't want to take any medicine.
I teach in a university. I have always thought that the number of "nuts" there is very high; and that my father with his low schooling was much more sane, with much more good sense than a lot of professors that seek their own glory. But today, I see my father as a crazy man who needs help.
Let Jesus take care of him.

the life worth living

Mommy's death was very painful to me. I stayed a week at home asking myself: what is the life worth living?
Should I abandon my job and pursue something greater?
I will stay at my job, and in fact, perhaps my life will not change very much; but, I have to learn to live to a greater mission than pleasing myself. Some mission beyond searching for my own well being.
I have a strong tendency of living as the barn man in Luke 12.

16 And he told them this parable: “The ground of a certain rich man yielded an abundant harvest. 17 He thought to himself, ‘What shall I do? I have no place to store my crops.’

18 “Then he said, ‘This is what I’ll do. I will tear down my barns and build bigger ones, and there I will store my surplus grain. 19 And I’ll say to myself, “You have plenty of grain laid up for many years. Take life easy; eat, drink and be merry.”’

20 “But God said to him, ‘You fool! This very night your life will be demanded from you. Then who will get what you have prepared for yourself?’

21 “This is how it will be with whoever stores up things for themselves but is not rich toward God.”

So, I have to be rich toward God. I have to live to please the Lord and not myself.
And then, I could ask: what pleases the Lord?
Some people would say: pray a lot, read the Bible, help the poor, be merciful, etc. However, I am very sure, that this is not the answer because I would, everyday, ask myself: "Sir, I am not sure if you are pleased with me today. What else should I do? " .
The answer must be Jesus: I can't please the Lord by myself, but the Son in me, can. May I rest in Jesus, not in money, not in fame, not seeking my own glory and even not being religious.
I know I have to be kinder with others. I am quite sure that a lot of unbelievers are kinder than me. At least I have to ask for the Lord to help me being more merciful, more humble, more forgiving.
Life is very short to make others respect me: I must surrender to Jesus and make others do the same.

Mommy died

Mommy passed away on September.
She was with Alzheimer phase 3.
She got pneumonia on June and was hospitalized. In order to avoid more infections, she left the hospital with a food probe linking her nose to her stomach. My sister decided to take her to a rest home. She died on September 8th.
She had to trust in Jesus in order to deal with a neighbor. We had two witches living besides.
In fact, my father bought that house in late 70s from a lady whose father had died at that house. She was, somehow, convinced that her father fell from the roof due to the witches.
At first they seemed friendly. My mother was shy and the last thing she wanted was to confront people.
But they began to do what witches do: curse, yell, and even throw toilet paper (full of shit) at us. She was very afraid to go to the backyard where she would be cursed. She was oppressed by a strong daemon. She needed Jesus help. She was not attending any church, but she called a christian friend who lead her to trust more and more in Jesus to the point of winning this battle.
She was a depressed person, but after this, she was glad for their neighbors because they lead her to Jesus.
She was like Job that cared about his children: praying that they keep their faith in Jesus.
In 2012 she was diagnosed with Alzheimer. Unfortunately, she stopped reading the Bible and praying. In her last days, she was at a wheelchair.
She was buried on Sunday. Many brothers and sisters attended her funeral.
As the pastor said: it seems that death won. He told that in many funerals, people don't talk about death because it so horrendous that even looking to death, we pretend that it is not there.
However, Christians can face death and believe in a miracle: my mother will be cured of Alzheimer and see Jesus face to face.