Bullying

I was bullied when I was young: I was a good Japanese descendant student in a public school full of Italian descendants. Now I am 54, but I feel some kind of bullying ghost following me.
I work with another 2 other professors. I am very anti social and I really do not enjoy these December parties before Christmas, but I am not so averse to have lunches with closer friends; so today I and my colleagues went to lunch. I became the spotlight as others enjoy to tease me: the joke was that I had to pay the bill as I am famous for being scrooge. After a lot of jokes, mainly by one of them, I got tired. The other professor noticed that I was fed up and I told him:
- It is more important to love than to be loved as San Francisco told. I really do not deserve so much love.
The bullier professor answered: Yes you deserve.
But what really have annoyed me was that my bike tire was empty as I was leaving school at the end of the day. I am quite sure that it was emptied on purpose, not by accident. I called my wife to take me at school and she rescued me despite the traffic jam.
I and my family were having a dinner when I remembered about Job: his children died on a accident, but he was also robbed by thieves. I asked my children: what annoys more: to be robbed or to become sick? They told me: to be robbed. I said that other humans seems more aggressive than sickness, but in case of Job, both were at the same level: God let both happen.
In conclusion, my bike tire and bullies from my colleagues are some kind of test that the Lord sent me; He is writing the story of my life. In his story, I have doubts, sometimes, I do not discern things very well, but at the end, my soul rests in him. Blessed be the Lord.

psalm 90

Yesterday, I read Psalm 90 to my children before sleeping.
It is a prayer to God from Moses (a tradition, not specified in the text, but let us assume it).
Some point of the Psalm are:

• Life is short. 
• 5 We are merely tender grass 6  that sprouts and grows in the morning but dries up by evening. 10 We can expect seventy years, or maybe eighty,  if we are healthy, but even our best years bring trouble and sorrow. Suddenly our time is up and we disappear.
• Life is not easy. 
• 9 Your anger is a burden each day we live, then life ends like a sigh.
• God is somehow behind our suffering. 
• 7 Your furious anger frightens and destroys us, 8 and you know all of our sins even those we do in secret.
• God is the All Might. 
• 2 You have always been God long before the birth of the mountains, even before you created the earth and the world. 3 At your command we die and turn back to dust, 4  but a thousand years mean nothing to you! They are merely a day gone by  or a few hours in the night.
• We fear God. 
• 11 No one knows the full power of your furious anger, but it is as great as the fear  that we owe to you.
• We ask Him to make our lives easier, happier, 
• 15  Make us happy for as long as you caused us trouble and sorrow. 16 Do wonderful things for us, your servants, and show your mighty power to our children.
• 13 Help us, Lord! Don’t wait! Pity your servants. 14 When morning comes, let your love satisfy all our needs. Then we can celebrate and be glad for what time we have left.
• We ask Him not to waste our lives.
• 12 Teach us to number our days, that we may gain a heart of wisdom. 17 May the favor of the Lord our God rest on us;    establish the work of our hands for us— yes, establish the work of our hands.

It is very interesting how the psalmist prays in a much more different way than we pray in our churches today. He is certainly much more sincere than we commonly are. The Lord is the All Mighty. I suffer. Thus, the anger of the Lord is a burden each day I live. In our churches, we are always talking about his love, his compassion; but it is very rare to mention his anger. Is it possible to fear a Lord that is said to love us, but seems impotent to deal with our suffering? For Moses, the Lord is really in charge of everything, our sufferings included; so he fears him.
Moses was an example of a well succeeded life. How then did he write: "establish the work of our hands for us"? Certainly, the deeds of the Lord through Moses will be remembered to the last day of our times; so his work was established by the Lord.
I really want that the Lord establishes the work of my hands.
It is so easy to waste the life, and I certainly have wasted so much time...
Establish the work of my hands for me, Lord, -- yes, establish the work of my hands, please.

Doctor Doug died

On July, 6th, 2016, I told you about Doctor Doug in this blog, a physician in our church. He died on December, 15th. He had a weak heart due to a Chagas disease - a tropical disease that inflates the heart. He had to change his mark step after a cardiac arrest. His kidneys stopped working and after many problems, he died.

He was loved by his family, his colleagues, his students, his church. I was told it was a big funeral. 

Is he with Jesus?

Yes, I think so.

He began to attend our church in his old age. Before that he thought that all religions are good, but Christianity talks about sin as the way to hell and Jesus as the way to heaven. 

His niece that does not attend our church, told us that before his conversion, doctor Doug was a good man but she did not find love or tenderness in him. He was a cold guy. She really hates the way evangelical people talk (I am saved, you are not, let me introduce Jesus to you), but she considered that something different happened to his uncle.

He knew he was dying much before this year. He was preparing to his death. For instance, he bought his grave in a cemetery some years ago.

wealth in heaven

A rich man in God's eyes is the one who evaluates things according to the Lord's values.
God is love.
A rich man is the one who loves, but what do I need to do to grow in love?
Some ideas:
- practice acts of love: visit my parents, sick people, help spouse, help children, etc. All these things go against my own will. My will is not a good parameter to guide my acts of love.
- do not expect human reward for acts of love. I must practice acts of love for God's sake, for God's reward.
- continually ask myself how to be helpful. Do not wait to receive orders.

A suffering helper

Yesterday, Friday, I did not work due to the public servers day. I went to my parents house to spend some hours there.
I usually go there on Saturday morning and spend at maximum 3 hours, reading the Bible and eating together. Yesterday, I stayed there for 7 hours: time enough to listen to my dad's problems.
My mother is with Alzheimer's disease. Whenever I read the Bible, she sleeps. Her contact with the reality varies a lot.
Yesterday, mammy asked me: - how was my mother.
I answered: "Not so well...". It was funny.
After some minutes, I called her "mammy" and she attended me.
My brother, sister in law and nephew are there to support them.
My father lost some document but he does not know how to use computers and internet. I googled about how to deal with this situation and appointed some tasks to him. He began to complain about me, my brother, my sister in law: we are not helping in fact. He told me that my brother uses the car but does not fix it when it breaks, that my nephew is a naughty boy, etc. I told him:
Dad, you suffer a lot! Perhaps you suffer more than me. You are retired, you wake up when you want but I did not know about these problems!
He, at least, laughed of my amazement but continued to criticize everybody.
Unfortunately to my sister in law, my father does not show love to his own grand son. He is a 3 years old child who can not discern disapproval signs, but they certainly hurt my sister in law.
My brother is there to help mommy, but he takes the sorrows of his wife.
As Christians, my sister in law and brother understand what is a suffering helper. Jesus suffered to help us. In Jesus, they are living day by day. I see that my sister in law are in an intensive course to look to Jesus and not to men. She looses the joy in Jesus whenever she looks to dad.

Feasts

On October 16th, Sunday, my brother in law decided to celebrate his 25 years of wedding. In this special day, his church (let us call Daughter Church) gathered in another place - Maripora - a city next to Sao Paulo. In the morning, my brother in law preached about John 2 and in the afternoon we had barbecue. Many members came from another church (let us call Mother Church) which I attended when I was a child, so it was good to be there.
In John 2, Jesus was in a wedding party, when the wine was over and his mother asked him to make something about it. My brother in law emphasized the shame of the bridegroom. Jesus freed him and his wife of the shame as He frees as from the shame of sin.
I enjoyed to see him preaching because he focused on leading others to Jesus through his wedding celebration.
On October 22nd, Saturday, we went to another 25 years wedding celebration in the Mother Church where I attended when I was a child.  I confess I was not eager to go there, but it was very nice to meet many brothers and sisters in Jesus.
These wedding feasts are just a small sample of the great wedding feast when the Lamb will meet his Church.

Fruit

Yesterday I was in a wedding party and met a former member of the church, someone who had worked very hard there. I told him that is very unpleasant to work hard and do not see any fruit, any progress of a church that in fact is a club. He exhorted me to be in the Spirit and not in the flesh: the Spirit is the One who works, not me; thus I should not be dis-motivated like that.

I told him, that in fact, I see the Spirit acting at least in me, and in my very next ones. He must be right, but not 100% right.

Basically, I have to rest in the Lord - He is really the One who provides growth to his Church. However, I suppose that some of my critics are really right: my local church works in closed doors focusing nikkeis - Japanese descendants. However, I suppose it is really worse: even a Japanese descendant can not go there without being invited. Brazil is violent, but is it really necessary to work in this way? This club oriented behavior is killing the church. It is behaving as still waters where fishes are dying. Today my wife will have to cook in the church. Is it really for God or for a club?

Anyway, I believe that the Spirit is gradually changing me, but I really need much more of the Spirit in me. I am tired of my local church.
I got an idea: there are a lot of good things that are happening to me because I belong to this church. Yesterday, for instance, I visited S with DH - both had strokes. I am learning a lot because I am in the church. There are problems, but there are many blessings too. I need to count the blessings.